I was having a conversation with someone on Fet whose profile said he was a Dom. One of the first things he told me was that many girls thought he was too rough.
So I asked him what he liked to do. He shared a long list of things that included rope, fisting, wax play, and choking. I asked him how he had learned all those things.
He said sometimes he watched a couple of videos, but like with rope, mostly he just made up his own knots and taught himself. He’d never gone to a munch or watched other people or talked to anyone with more experience, just taught himself everything. Like, he just knew when his knots were too tight.
I asked him about the girls who thought he was too rough. He said he wasn’t too rough, they just thought he was. They didn’t know what they wanted.
So – like they said, “That’s too rough,” and he said “No it’s not. This is just what you wanted.”
Y’all. That’s not how this works. I was so appalled, I was practically speechless.
When I explained why his approach was dangerous, he blocked me. Because of course he did. Which was fine, I didn’t want to keep talking to him. I just needed to say something about how messed up that was before I left the conversation.
People say that a lot of people on Fetlife are fakes. Of course, they’re right. Lots of people who aren’t really Doms, don’t really have a clue what it would mean, but just like sex and the idea that someone wants to please them. I don’t want them to try to act like my Dom, thank you very much, but they’re pretty harmless and often nice people.
But people who haven’t studied how to do any of the things and don’t take feedback well and want to do things that can cause harm – they are dangerous. I imagine you already knew that.
So WHY, you may wonder, am I talking to people on Fetlife?
Um, for entertainment? While I was writing this, I got a message from someone who’s in California, says he’s a sugar daddy, and wants me to be his new baby. That’s left me giggling, and thoughts of it will continue to amuse me all day… that’s worth something.
(Words in the meme on the bottom say: Hey there, it’s me, guy dom. Society can’t handle my UNUSUAL SEXUAL DESIRES like getting blow jobs and talking about my dick like it’s heroin. Anyway, even though the only interaction we’ve had is saying hi, I’m wondering if you want to be my slave.”)
Olivia 
This guy sounds like an idiot. I can’t believe he blocked you for some basic and valid criticism. How thin skinned can you be. Such a tough guy. I joined Fetlife about 2 months ago and haven’t had much luck meeting people. I haven’t tried very hard. I have a hard time taking aspects of these sites seriously. Online dating or kinking is just weird. Maybe it’s just me. 🤣
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Agreed, he was pretty much an idiot. I totally expected him to block me – if you think a woman’s wrong when she says what you did was too rough, it seems like a pretty clear indication that you don’t take feedback well. 😂
I think it’s definitely good not to take fet too seriously. I actually found you over there – started to send you a friend request but didn’t want to upset Susie! Just kidding – I’m going to message you cause I’m going under a different name there.
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Oh yep, idiot. IMHO if you’re going to be a Dom take it seriously and make sure you know what you’re doing. Don’t just ‘play’ Dom. As you said there are a number out there and unfortunately that can be dangerous.
Hugs
Roz
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Right!! It’s a zoo out there! No, not a zoo, that’s not fair to animals. I started to say a madhouse, but that’s not fair to people with mental health issues. A jungle! Maybe it’s a jungle out there… lol. 💜
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WOW….. keep yourself safe, my friend. What scares me about this guy is he is dumb enough to think that he knows what he is doing and it must be the girls that are wrong. Ugh.
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Oh, totally! That’s the really scary part. Lol, there was never any chance of me getting involved with him. From the moment he told me girls thought he was too rough, I had totally ruled him out. There’s no way that’s a good sign. But thanks!!
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There are idiots in every part of the society. FetLife is not an exception, by far. In fact, the idea that online interactions provides anonymity, along with the suggestion of Dom/sub relationship gives people (mostly guys) the impression that they can say anything to anyone.
People who read this probably have some grip on the Dom/sub power exchange. But hopefully more will education themselves more than just reading 50 shades…
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So true! I think you’re right – the whole concept allows people to lower their inhibitions and act on their urges. Which is almost funny, now that I think about it, when Doms I’ve known and respected are really into control and tend to be highly disciplined and thoughtful themselves.
Thanks so much for commenting!
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A sub needs to feel domination, that she is surrendering to someone worthy of her most precious gift.
A sub wants to surrender, not die.
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So true!! Yes. 💜
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Oh, and fake Doms, the district attorney will prosecute you for, at the very least, involuntary manslaughter, and sexual battery, if you fuck up. Just sayin’.
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That’s only if the worst happens though. Otherwise you just end up with some sub with various degrees of trauma, maybe thinking the whole lifestyle is like that. 💜
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As if that isn’t bad enough.
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Oh, it’s definitely bad enough. There’s just no consequences for him – or her as the case may be
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Sadly.
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So, what I really want to know is, did you work the word, “dickwad” into the conversation?
just thinking out loud here…
Yy
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Hahaha – um, no. I wish I had!!
And HI Jz!!!
yY 💜 💜 💜
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ps – I have NO idea how that cutsie duplicated version of my name showed up there!
May I humbly request you never call me that, TYVM
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ROFL, I was wondering. I did think it was awfully cute, but didn’t seem like you. I had to look at the website connected to make sure it was. And noooo, I would never call you that! 💜
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