I was having a conversation with someone on Fet whose profile said he was a Dom. One of the first things he told me was that many girls thought he was too rough.
So I asked him what he liked to do. He shared a long list of things that included rope, fisting, wax play, and choking. I asked him how he had learned all those things.
He said sometimes he watched a couple of videos, but like with rope, mostly he just made up his own knots and taught himself. He’d never gone to a munch or watched other people or talked to anyone with more experience, just taught himself everything. Like, he just knew when his knots were too tight.
I asked him about the girls who thought he was too rough. He said he wasn’t too rough, they just thought he was. They didn’t know what they wanted.
So – like they said, “That’s too rough,” and he said “No it’s not. This is just what you wanted.”
Y’all. That’s not how this works. I was so appalled, I was practically speechless.
When I explained why his approach was dangerous, he blocked me. Because of course he did. Which was fine, I didn’t want to keep talking to him. I just needed to say something about how messed up that was before I left the conversation.
People say that a lot of people on Fetlife are fakes. Of course, they’re right. Lots of people who aren’t really Doms, don’t really have a clue what it would mean, but just like sex and the idea that someone wants to please them. I don’t want them to try to act like my Dom, thank you very much, but they’re pretty harmless and often nice people.
But people who haven’t studied how to do any of the things and don’t take feedback well and want to do things that can cause harm – they are dangerous. I imagine you already knew that.
So WHY, you may wonder, am I talking to people on Fetlife?
Um, for entertainment? While I was writing this, I got a message from someone who’s in California, says he’s a sugar daddy, and wants me to be his new baby. That’s left me giggling, and thoughts of it will continue to amuse me all day… that’s worth something.
(Words in the meme on the bottom say: Hey there, it’s me, guy dom. Society can’t handle my UNUSUAL SEXUAL DESIRES like getting blow jobs and talking about my dick like it’s heroin. Anyway, even though the only interaction we’ve had is saying hi, I’m wondering if you want to be my slave.”)