I have turned out to be a controlling old hag. I won’t give details ’cause it doesn’t matter, but over and over this year, I’ve had to notice my own tendency to want to manage how other people live their lives. Um, particularly all these people I live with.
It’s how I manage my anxiety.
And that makes me laugh, really. I am feeling a bit kinder to myself now than I have in the past. At one time, the idea that I have this control-freak aspect of myself would have appalled me, filled me with shame.
I am a bit kinder to myself these days, and I just shake my head. I can notice when I’m doing it and let it go. I can quit doing it in that moment, and then forgive myself. Mostly anyhow.
Sometimes I’m fine, and sometimes, I am just not ok. And – lol – I guess that’s ok.
I read this lately, and it resonated with me so much.
I am ok/ I am not ok. It’s a clear case of Schrodinger’s cat.
How are you?