i’ve had a little piece of a fantasy. My Dom (in the fantasy) punishes me for breaking the rules about speech by putting a clothes pin on my tongue. i am fascinated by the image and by imagining the feel of it.
No, we do not have a clothespin this i can try to discover just how much i would hate this. Ok we probably have some somewhere – for sure, the ones Fiona gave me a lifetime ago – I remember moving them! But i have no idea where they are.
In my fantasy, as I begin to script it, I can’t figure out what the rules are around speaking or why i’m breaking them. i think maybe he makes up arbitrary rules for me to break, but that doesn’t feel right.
Then i wonder why i’m having this fantasy, how does this apply to my life? And i know, even though i don’t want to know, that in my interactions with my partner, i’ve become sharp and sometimes unkind. Harsh, he says, although he isn’t distressed by it, he seems to be able to separate what i mean from what i say
That’s not how i want to be – not who i want to be. I don’t think that what i’m saying is “wrong,” and I have a right to say what i feel. But sometimes i’m so irritated – so irritated you can’t even imagine – and i’m sharp. My words can be cutting.
With or without a clothespin to remind me to watch my tongue, i need to stop that.
And PS I went looking for an image to go with this post – there are, indeed, “stock photos of a blonde woman with clothespin on tongue” but that’s actually a little too odd for me so i’m not posting any of them. Just a clothespin.