Sir gave me an assignment.  i thought it was a stupid assignment and i didn’t want to do it. He says he’s training me.  Hmpf. i thought all kinds of mean nasty things about him and his ability to Dom me.  i know, that’s not very nice, but i did.  (i started to say it wasn’t very submissive, but really, we all have those thoughts, don’t we?  i bet it is part of being submissive.)

Anyhow.  i did what he told me to do, even though i thought it was stupid and i didn’t want to do it.  What was it, you wonder?  Ok, so (grumble, grumble) he had me watch these two videos of women masturbating and told me i had to write a short essay on how i could do it better if he told me to do it for him and Sir John.  And he included Sir John in the emailed instructions.

i can’t tell you how many objections i had to this whole thing.  First of all, i don’t much care for porn – not on moral grounds so much (although sometimes – it has to be clearly consensual) but it’s boring and often i think it’s just gross.  i know, it’s stuff i DO, but still.

Plus, i thought, if he’s gonna make me do this in front of him and Sir John, i’m just going to feel stupid and humiliated.  Predicting the future, i knew it would be AWFUL.

Then, this whole, “how could i do it better?”  Ugh.  i don’t know.  i probably couldn’t.  It was boring watching them.  It would be boring for them watching me.  i’d feel stupid.  Humiliated.  Awful.

Grumble, grumble.  Mostly to myself, but still, frigging grumble, grumble.  i started writing the “essay” still feeling grumpy and not submissive.  But a strange thing happened on the way to the end.

He asked me how i could do it better, or what would be different.  Well, what would be different would be the energy in the room, and the connection between me and him and i guess between me and Sir John too.  So i wouldn’t be all spread-eagle holding a magic wand and looking into the camera by myself.  i’d be interacting with him – with them – and i’d be obeying him in that moment when all the warm, fuzzy submissive stuff rises to the surface and all i can think about is pleasing him.  THAT would be different.

And suddenly i was all turned on thinking about it, nipples tingling, pussy throbbing, the whole nine yards.  Ha.  So i finished the essay and sent it, and hopefully he’ll like it.

Then i had to mentally eat all those mean nasty things i’d been thinking about him – and be glad i hadn’t said them out loud the way they were worded in my head, you know?

It reminds me that this shit is for real.  i really am a submissive girl who wants to please her Dom more than just about anything, and i love that i have the opportunity to do that.

And thank youall so much for your comments!  i love you guys.