Sir gave me an assignment. i thought it was a stupid assignment and i didn’t want to do it. He says he’s training me. Hmpf. i thought all kinds of mean nasty things about him and his ability to Dom me. i know, that’s not very nice, but i did. (i started to say it wasn’t very submissive, but really, we all have those thoughts, don’t we? i bet it is part of being submissive.)
Anyhow. i did what he told me to do, even though i thought it was stupid and i didn’t want to do it. What was it, you wonder? Ok, so (grumble, grumble) he had me watch these two videos of women masturbating and told me i had to write a short essay on how i could do it better if he told me to do it for him and Sir John. And he included Sir John in the emailed instructions.
i can’t tell you how many objections i had to this whole thing. First of all, i don’t much care for porn – not on moral grounds so much (although sometimes – it has to be clearly consensual) but it’s boring and often i think it’s just gross. i know, it’s stuff i DO, but still.
Plus, i thought, if he’s gonna make me do this in front of him and Sir John, i’m just going to feel stupid and humiliated. Predicting the future, i knew it would be AWFUL.
Then, this whole, “how could i do it better?” Ugh. i don’t know. i probably couldn’t. It was boring watching them. It would be boring for them watching me. i’d feel stupid. Humiliated. Awful.
Grumble, grumble. Mostly to myself, but still, frigging grumble, grumble. i started writing the “essay” still feeling grumpy and not submissive. But a strange thing happened on the way to the end.
He asked me how i could do it better, or what would be different. Well, what would be different would be the energy in the room, and the connection between me and him and i guess between me and Sir John too. So i wouldn’t be all spread-eagle holding a magic wand and looking into the camera by myself. i’d be interacting with him – with them – and i’d be obeying him in that moment when all the warm, fuzzy submissive stuff rises to the surface and all i can think about is pleasing him. THAT would be different.
And suddenly i was all turned on thinking about it, nipples tingling, pussy throbbing, the whole nine yards. Ha. So i finished the essay and sent it, and hopefully he’ll like it.
Then i had to mentally eat all those mean nasty things i’d been thinking about him – and be glad i hadn’t said them out loud the way they were worded in my head, you know?
It reminds me that this shit is for real. i really am a submissive girl who wants to please her Dom more than just about anything, and i love that i have the opportunity to do that.
And thank youall so much for your comments! i love you guys.