Being on vacation is lovely. i have not even been thinking too hard about stuff.
It’s funny, for a day or two i was thinking about practices i could start that would increase my sense of submission. In particular, the blog i was talking about before, he did this lovely post about that, you can read it here. He talks about neediness and kneeling, and how D/s and spanking can be an addiction. i think he’s right, and so of course i totally personalized it, and did a “that’s what’s wrong with me.” Which is probably not even true, although there might be an element of that, but if it is true, i’m a patient addict.
Anyhow, he talked about what he would have a submissive do to increase her submission and decrease ego involvement, which involves kneeling naked and focusing on one word, and for about a minute i thought, “i could just do that on my own.” But then i had to laugh at myself, because really, i can’t get myself to do 10 minutes of formal mindfulness practice daily, for sure i’m not going to kneel naked for an hour every day on my own.
His blog is lovely, and this post on dominants is really powerful. There are so many things he says that resonate with me. In some ways, it uplifts me, just to know there is someone on some of the same wavelengths. At the same time, it is a special kind of torture to know that it is out of my reach. Sigh.
Today, i’m enjoying the ocean, and time with family, and replenishing my spirit. Ultimately, submission is a form of love, and you can’t give from an empty cup. So today, i just have to take care of myself. ❤
AND i just now realized i totally forgot to do a Sunday check-in. Damn. See what i’m saying? No consistency. No self-discipline. Well, ok, not “none.” But damn…