Unbalanced

/ olivia

I’ve been thinking about this quote from Alain de Botton.

There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.

Ever since I decided to quit marketing my business and lean into semi-retirement, I’ve had new business drop into my lap pretty steadily. My plan was to work for the coaching company four days a week, 5 or 6 hours a day. Then I would have three days off to pursue whatever retirees do – relax, take care of the house, spend time with the grandkids. Instead, I’m seeing clients and teaching classes, going to workshops and taking classes (on-line), trying to squeeze in some writing, and waking up way too early at least three days a week. Maybe that’s my way of being retired?

My home situation is better in some ways, but continues to be challenging. I’m not here to complain about that – and the thing that bothers me the most these days is probably unreasonable anyhow. It’s the noise. If it’s not the kids, having fun or fighting with each other (which is maybe the same thing), it’s my daughter fussing at them about what they’re supposed to be doing. And on the other side of things, there’s MP, who manages his tinnitus by keeping the TV or videos or music going all the time – or playing his harmonica, which is nice sometimes and maddening other times. It all makes me wish I had built my office shed back when I had a bit more money ao I could disappear into my own space and savor the silence. Maybe that’s why I wake up too early – there’s plenty of quiet in the pre-dawn hours.

There’s the whole political climate and the things happening in the US, which hang like a black cloud over everyday life. I don’t spend too much time brooding about it, although it would be easy to get lost in that darkness. I’ve decided my best way to fight back is to continue to live the best life I can, connecting with people and showing up in alignment with my own values, making a difference where I can. I’m playing with doing some work on defining my life purpose, and that might be fun. Ok, maybe not your idea of fun… still. I like that kind of thing.

So I’m mostly ok, and that’s good. But – do you hear anything really fun? Anything that makes me laugh out loud? Anything that brings out my sarcastic, mean girl side? Ok, not real mean, just a little bit. For spice, you know? There is nothing happening that makes me feel like I’m walking on the wild side, or dancing on the edge of the roof. Has my life gotten a bit, um, boring?

Yes. Sigh. It feels balanced and grounded and – kind of ho hum. Where is the wild laughter? The risks, the adventure, the delight?

Um, and the pain. Where is the whimper, the moan?

I had intended to sign up for a kinky chat site. I figured that would add some zest to my life. Instead, I’ve gotten bogged down in some tech issue that keeps me from actually accessing the site. Yes, I sent in a help request. And have not heard back. So I can keep dancing with system, dancing in a loop of “Enter a valid email address” when I’ve already done that 35 times and don’t know WHAT I’m doing wrong. Or I can look for trouble somewhere else while I wait to hear back. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, I’m going to buy a new MacAir before the prices skyrocket (and because I’ve been wanting to for a while and needed a reasonable justification.). And go for a walk. Take my grandson to the coffee shop he likes. And – oh, wait! I know what I can do!

I bought that lovely toy that nora was talking about – the Rose Sex Toy! I bought it, stuck it in the toy box next to my bed, and haven’t even charged it yet. I downloaded the app that makes your phone the remote control – but stopped there. Now I can’t even find it on my phone.

But I will! I’ll charge that – um, I started to say “that sucker,” but that is too literally true. I’ll charge the toy and figure out the remote and THAT will be fun.

15 thoughts on “Unbalanced”

  4. A new MacBook Air? A Rose Sex Toy?? A harmonica??? Boring???? Are you kidding?????? 😂 😉

    But yes, in all seriousness, I hear you on the boring question…when we don’t have those spikes of intensity (the laughter, the pain, the whimpers, the joy, the passion…), it’s easy to think that something’s wrong…or, at the very least, just “meh.” This usually sends me into a spin of melancholy, until I realize that the “boringness” is really a different manifestation of peace. I try to accept it for what it is and remind myself that the next adventure is just around the corner…and I’ll need these quiet, “boring” moments to gather my strength for what’s to come!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • Lol, I know, I was kind of thinking about submissive girls being a bit greedy…

      Of course you’re right, there isn’t anything wrong with my life as it is. It is all about missing those highs and lows. I would like to think I’m taking these less exciting times to gather my strength for what’s next – and it’s quite possible that unless I stir the pot a bit, there won’t be much “next” happening. Shrug, we’ll see.

      But I appreciate the zen reminder!!

      💜

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  5. What a delightful mix of real talk, gentle chaos, and a dash of sass! I LOVED reading this, olivia. It’s like getting a front-row seat to the beautifully tangled web of your brain and your life. You’ve managed to perfectly capture that strange tension of being “mostly okay” while still craving something wilder and more deliciously off-balance. It’s such a real and relatable place to be.

    As for the noise…you might consider investing in a pair of noise cancelling headphones. I just bought a pair of Bose, my first pair, and I can’t hear a darn thing when I am wearing them. Seriously, my hubby will be blaring a movie in the next room and I’ll have no idea, and can be totally lost in my own kinky online world 🙂

    And do let us know how it goes with the Rose sex toy, my dear friend…just seeing her here is making me ache for some bedroom time… XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • “…the beautifully tangled web of your brain and your life…”. Yes! You have such a way with words. I appreciate that you can relate to what I’m feeling, even while acknowledging that I’m super lucky to have the life I live.

      I had not thought about headphones for noise canceling. I spend so much time with ear buds in my ears anyhow… but it sounds like a good idea. I’ll have to look at them.

      Definitely will report back in when I’ve tried Rose! 🌹. Thanks, Nora! I hope you get some bedroom time soon.
      💜

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  6. Things have been so chaotic here I’m just now getting around to reading this.
    Maybe life is like a guitar string, you turn the nob just a bit to much one way or the other and your out of tune. Then even when you are in tune (balanced) it doesn’t seem to last long and the dance begins again.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • It is amazing how wild things can get!

      I like your guitar string analogy – because then the tuning and re-tuning are part of the music – or at least part of playing the music. There is something nice – almost soothing – about watching someone tune their guitar when they know what they’re doing.

      It’s good to see you here! 💜

      Like

      Reply

Leave a reply to olivia Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.