The D/s Blog is a book, written by Discerning Dom, who used to have a blog way back in the day when I was still a new blogger myself. I was half in love with Discerning Dom. He represented the ideal Dom to me, and maybe he still does. Anyhow, he eventually made his blog posts into a book and then took his blog down. The D/s Blog is available on Amazon.

It’s not exactly an erotic book, although parts of it are certainly erotically interesting for me. But it is a really insightful look into what makes Doms and subs tick. I love his self-introspection and his viewpoint on submissive women. I’m going to share two excerpts that stand out for me.

When I talk about submissive girls being greedy, there is actually a touch of shame in that. After all, we aren’t supposed to be greedy. The other thing I have sometimes felt when I was in a D/s relationship was that I needy – which is even worse than greedy. I learned from early childhood the importance of being able to take care of yourself, not relying on others to take care of you. Submission turned that upside down for me.

And that comes with some shame – and delight at the same time. Anyhow, I remember these lines from Discerning Dom (DD) way back when I was first discovering just how needy I could be. I would feel myself deep in longing for attention, aching to submit in some way. But then, if some time went by without attention from my Dom, I would begin to withdraw and it would be difficult to get back in the right mindset. DD wrote:

It’s also the case that submissive girls need to have their submission constantly tried and tested. You can’t just put her away in a cupboard and assume when you take her out again she’s ready to go.

The Discerning Dom. The D/s Blog (Function). Kindle Edition.

That was so reassuring to me. It made me feel like this was normal (for submissive girls, anyhow.) I’ve carried those words in my heart since then, and pull them out when I’ve needed to hear them again.

Further into the book, DD goes on to list some of the things subs might like. He says:

She wants to be prostrate on the floor, writhing with unsatisfied lust, her cunt throbbing and drooling, whimpering and begging for release, pleading that he let her come. And then she wants to be denied. Or at least, half of her does.

She wants to be his darling little girl, his sweet little baby girl, his naughty little girl.

She wants to be debauched, degraded, defiled, and debased.

She wants to be exhibited to anyone he wants to show her to. She wants to be examined and inspected, prodded and probed. She wants to have her modesty outraged and her shame stripped away.

She wants to be buggered. She wants her ass to be penetrated, invaded, stretched, and violated. She wants her ass to be pounded by a big hard cock. She wants to be his little ass-slut.

She wants to be tied up so tight she can’t move, then interfered with and subjected to all manner of indecencies.

She wants to be slapped and pinched and choked and hurt till she aches all over.

She wants him to fuck with her head.

The Discerning Dom. The D/s Blog (Function). Kindle Edition.

Of course, I have to point out that some of us like some of those things more than others. In other parts of the book, he talks about the paradox of control – who’s really in control? And he points out that the ways the Dom wants to control and the ways the submissive wants to be controlled have to be fairly compatible. But in this section of the book, he goes on to say:

But here’s the point. There’s one other thing I know for sure they all want, not instead of the above, but as well as. They want to be cuddled and kissed and loved and respected and valued. I don’t see a paradox here. On the contrary.

It’s what the Dom wants too, I hope. He wants a girl who wants those dirty things I’ve listed above, but who’s got self-respect, who’s independent and stands up for herself and doesn’t take shit from guys and who knows how much she’s worth. He doesn’t want a doormat, because where’s the fun in degrading a girl who really thinks she’s worthless? But he doesn’t want a goddess either, stuck on a pedestal. One of the reasons he respects her is because she’s not afraid to admit to him what she is and what she wants. In fact, he wants her to be proud of it – proud to be a self-respecting slut.

The Discerning Dom. The D/s Blog (Function). Kindle Edition.

He goes back to this point a number of times. He recognizes the autonomy of those of us who embrace submission. And he respects that. His book makes me feel seen and understood and valued, and I appreciate that.