I had one task I had to do yesterday. I had to record a couple of brief videos for the participants in a workshop I’m leading. Under 5 minutes each. Material I know really well. Tech I’m totally familiar with.
I had planned to be finished by 10:00. Yes, 10 in the morning, I’m an early riser. Instead…
I did laundry, and dishes. I re-organized some paperwork for my file cabinet. I chatted with some friends. I researched the place I’m going on vacation in July, talked to MP, read a few chapters of a book I’ve been reading. I might have played a few games of Free Cell. I started this post.
About 4:00 in the afternoon, I sat down and actually made the videos I needed to make. Like everything, it took a bit longer than I’d expected. But still under an hour. Then i started to fuss at myself for not doing it sooner.
For a long time, i thought that having a Dom to help me manage reduce my habit of procrastination would be ideal. Clearly, I needed someone to get me in line. I imagined spankings and corner time and firm lectures… Seriously. I thought this was a viable way for me to become more productive, achieve more, do better, be all I can be… all of that.*
That’s not something I thought a long time ago. I’ve dreamed of it lately. But yesterday, I realized there’s been a shift in how I see myself. What if I actually needed to spend time doing some mundane chores, some time with friends, even just frittering away some time? I got the videos done.
When I don’t get the thing done, it’s generally because i don’t really want to do it. Rather than have someone outside me to hold me accountable/punish me, doesn’t it make more sense to explore why I don’t want to do it? Then I can decide if I actually need to do it or not.
Yeah. That’s what I think too. I would still love to have a Dom involved in my life. But if I needed someone to manage my life for me – um, I’d like to hire a project manager.
Of course, since I got the videos done, I might get a good girl spanking… Maybe if it were an incentive… Yes, that could work.
*{Note: I don’t miss deadlines that other people impose. If you needed the videos by 10:00, they would have been done on time.}*
Olivia 
Glad to hear you got your videos filmed, girl. No judgement here, from a sister in procrastination. Your post had me reflecting on something my Sir has been quite firm about with me. While early on in our connection, I craved the idea that I was completing tasks in my life for HIM and feeling badly about it if I didn’t (on top of enduring a sore bottom), he would reiterate to me that I was actually letting myself down by not completing the workout, meeting a deadline, following a safety rule, etc. Initially this felt frustrating to me, as I wanted my life to revolve around him and for him to manage my entire world. Obviously his way makes more sense and is more doable in real-life, though I still fantasize about a life where my world revolves around a dominant man. But that is pure fantasy, not real life, or at least…it is not my real life. In any case, I get what you are saying here. Yes, you set a goal around having the videos completed at a certain time, but the world didn’t end when you didn’t and as you said, perhaps you were doing exactly what you needed to do in those moments instead. Have I mentioned how I love how self-reflective you are? Hope you enjoyed a good girl spanking ❤ XOXO
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nora, your Sir is a wise one. I know I’ve said that before, but he really is. That fantasy of having a dominant man to lead in everything is a fun one, but yeah, it’s just fantasy for me too.
I’m glad you enjoy my self-reflections! Unfortunately, there was no spanking happening, but that’s how it goes these days. I’m glad I can be (mostly) zen about it. 💜💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, mostly zen is a pretty good place to be 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
💜
LikeLike
Speaking from the position of a Dom, it is a win-win scenario to help someone with a goal by either incentives (positive reenforcement) or punishment the result is the same. It is a way for both parties to get something they need fulfilled and help each other.
I’m glad you met your goal when it wasn’t even your promblem to begin with in the first place. I also wish you well with your desire to have someone help with some kind of structure – either a project manager or otherwise.
Oh, also hope you had a good birthday last weekend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the birthday wishes, it was lovely.
Yes, there is a synchronicity when that can happen between a Dom and a sub – at least in my imagination. It’s also nice to feel free of the intense longing I used to have for it though. Not that I felt that way all the time, but it was painful when I did.
Yeah, i won’t really get a project manager. The truth is that I don’t run my life in a straight line. I’ve always said I’m a wanderer – not as in traveling so much, but not generally taking the direct path from A to B. Letting myself flow is ok too.
💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like to be able to flow. In fact it has become more and more clear to mr how important that is to me… and I need the space to flow.
But this other craving – the one that revels in holding me so perfectly to account – provides a freedom all its own.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I get that! There is beauty in being held to accountability for sure. Particularly if there’s spanking involved. 💜
LikeLike