If you’ve been reading here for a while, you may remember that, occasionally, I have an adventure of some sort on Fetlife that is too ludicrous, sad, or ridiculous to keep to myself. And sometimes, I share that story. I do try not to be mean about it, but that can be a challenge.
This is one of those times.
If this person even knew I had a blog, I wouldn’t do this. I would never want to hurt his feelings.
But.
If you want to continue thinking I’m a really nice person, you might want to stop reading now…
I was checking my email on an address I rarely use anymore when I saw I had a message on Fet. So I wandered over to check. It was from someone I’d chatted with before, a bit pointlessly, but a nice enough man. He just said hello, wondered if anything was new with me.
So I messaged back and he seemed enthused to hear from me. Always nice to be greeted warmly. He sent his email address, I sent my Olivia one.
Two short messages later, he says he can imagine kissing me passionately, moving to my neck then breasts. Then he adds, “My long arms caressing your clitty.”
What? Did I read that right?
Yes. “My long arms caressing your clitty.”
Y’all. I had to laugh.
Ok, in fairness, I’m assuming that he’s saying his long arms would allow him to reach that most intimate part of my body, right? But I also think that the word “clitty” is hysterically funny. Like a cross between clit and kitty? And then I’m imagining him reaching down – under my clothes? Over my clothes? Reaching down and connecting immediately with my clit. Or clitty, as the case may be. 🤣 🤣 🤣🤣
Good grief.
No. Just no.
So I will message him back, as nicely as I can, and tell him I don’t think our kinks are compatible. That happens, as we all know, and I don’t have a problem with exploring a little bit and then recognizing that, oh, yeah, no. This isn’t going to work for either of us and that’s fine. We can stay friends and keep chatting or not.
This, however, is like he’s offering me the worst vanilla sex I’ve ever had. Quite suddenly, without any warm-up or discussion of what I’d like. Which – oh, yeah, that is the essence of bad vanilla sex. (Not vanilla sex, that can be lovely, but bad vanilla sex.)
No, thanks.
And I’m through being mean, for now, thank you very much.
Olivia 
hilarious. Do you think he can find a clitty? “Here clitty clitty.” Ghastly, and no, it isn’t mean to expect your needs and desires to be met as a woman.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I know, right? I had the same thought, ‘here clitty clitty.” Cracked me up.
And no, it’s not mean to expect my needs and desires to be met – it’s the laughing at his style that’s a bit mean. But probably not too mean… 😊. Thanks for commenting! 💜
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks for the great post! You provided some great levity on this otherwise drab boring workday.
Your experience with Fet is part of why I’m rarely there anymore.
Thanks again for the laugh!
🙏
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thanks for commenting!! I’m glad it amused you!
Yeah, I’ve never spent a lot of time there, and this is definitely a good reason not to!
💜
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m still stuck on the “long arms” part like his arms are abnormally long and he has no hands—maybe prosthetic hooks. Eek!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Omg, now there’s an image! Eek is right! The “long arms” part is a very odd image, for sure! And your comment made me giggle. Thanks. 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well that did make me smile.
I’m glad you’ll message him back, although he does need to learn that the build up can be so much fun.
LikeLiked by 2 people
i’m glad it made you smile. 😊 Of course I messaged him back, lol, I may be mean, but I’m not rude! Lol. Do you want to know what he messaged back?
I just said basically that I could see our kinks weren’t compatible . So he messages back – subject line: I see Message: I’m not the mean strict type. It’s disappointing
Sigh. That’s just another version of the “it doesn’t pay to be a nice guy” nonsense. Plus, I have this odd feeling that he and I may have this conversation before. Maybe a long time ago.
I think I’ll answer one more time, but I don’t need this to become a protracted conversation where i try to explain myself to him…
Anyhow. thanks for the support! 💜
LikeLiked by 2 people
FetLife is always good for a chuckle, love how you handled it.
As for the long arms, now I have this vision of someone walking around with arms that reach the knees.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It is, right? And omg, now I have the long arm vision too. Yikes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m trying to shake off the visions in my head lol. Fetlife is a mine field. What I see on there usually makes me want to run for the hills lol.
Hugs
Roz
LikeLiked by 2 people
Right? It was really poor wording, at best. And you’re right, Fetlife is pretty much the worst. Thanks for the hugs! 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh dear Olivia, I know that martians wanted to take over the world but I didn’t realise they wanted to do it with whips and chains! 🤭
LikeLiked by 3 people
Hey, Helen – good to see you! Thanks for stopping by! 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
In his defence, being good in the sack and describing being good in the sack are different skill sets.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh, definitely! That’s fair.
But the real issue for me was that he jumped into this awkwardly worded sexual activity pretty much straight from “hi, I’m glad we’re chatting.” But stay tuned, I think you’ll like my follow up post.
And thanks for defending him! Someone needed to.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pingback: Bad Girl Diaries – “Flirting With Danger” – Ten Shades & Me
Thanks for linking to me! 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gosh Olivia, you brightened up my day.
Clitty (eww) aside, hasn’t he heard about foreplay?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pingback: Bad Girl Diaries – “Flirting With Danger” – The Bad Girl's Diary