One thing about submission – active submission – is the intensity and the insistent demand to pay attention to what I’m feeling. So the highs take me up near ecstasy and the lows bring me crashing down. I don’t think this means there’s something wrong (although I could be wrong.) I think it’s part of the process – so I want to feel it, then I want to take a step back and think about it.
Nora wanted to know how the waxing went, so I’ll start there.
All my anxieties about being judged were totally unnecessary. The receptionist was warm and friendly and made me feel more comfortable right away. I was still really on edge and anxious, but the wax technician was fairly detached and very professional. If she didn’t give me a warm, fuzzy feeling, she gave me the feeling that she knew what she was doing and wasn’t thinking about me as a person at all. That was both weird and reassuring.
Some of my fantasy characters find themselves getting waxed. This was similar.
Laid out on a table, legs spread, forced to stay open while a stranger inspects you. Um, inspects me. And she begins.
The heat of wax on my skin – ohhh – almost too hot, mpfh, but cooling rapidly – her fingers press against the wax, against my skin – then she takes one corner – and suddenly the sound of ripping – the noise that duct tape makes when you tear it – and a moment of intense pain – sharp, breath-taking – omg! As the pain eases – the heat of wax in a different place – almost too hot – cooling – wait for it, wait for it – riiiiip!! Sometimes, my body jerked – uncontrollably – and relentlessly, silently, she continued As she should, right? Just doing her job.
I was there for 45 minutes. Maybe 20 of it was actually spent ripping the hair off my poor, tender pussy.
I know, it’s kind of crazy, isn’t it? Whose idea was this anyhow? Somebody, some sadist somewhere, sat down and said, “hey, you know what we could do?” Yikes.
At the same time, in the worst of it, I remembered what Sir Jon had suggested. I imagined he was there. In my mind, he was watching, a hand on my shoulder. Encouraging me to accept the pain, reminding me this was for him… That was pretty hot. The combination of the fantasy and the pain (which makes women get wet whether we like it or not) had me pretty turned on by the time we were through.
Feeling a little off-balance, a bit uncentered and very puffy and tender, I decided to ignore my urge to go home and lie down. Instead, I went to the grocery and chatted with Sir while I wandered the aisles trying to remember what I needed to make chili.
At home, everything was normal, of course. Except that I was carrying myself a bit carefully and had this tremendous turned on feeling at the same time as the uncomfortable tenderness. Which is probably not so surprising for this submissive girl.
This morning, I woke up way too early and couldn’t go back to sleep. Lots of things on my mind, and an acute awareness of my body. My tender, puffy, still slightly turned on pussy. Finally I just got up, as I often do.
I will do this again, and next time will be easier, and by the third time, it will just hurt a little bit and feel quite normal. Really, I didn’t have to put myself through it this way this time – they have “masks” you can buy that numb the pain. I just didn’t realize that in time to do it.
I’m not sorry I got waxed, not a bit. It is the quickest, easiest, most effective way to do this. But I don’t want to do what I did yesterday – going to the grocery and ignoring what I feel.
I’m noticing how overwhelmed my body is – not just the affected parts, but all of me, especially my stomach and my heart. As if my body feels I have betrayed her by inviting some strange woman to hurt me. My heart feels tender too, and I long to be held.
I will settle myself in my rocking chair, wrapped up in a soft blanket. Holding myself while I rock, resting my eyes, letting myself be comforted.
Olivia 
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Olivia! I hope that you’ll continue to practice some self-care today as you reflect on how you are feeling both emotionally and physically. What are the masks for pain that they offer and how far in advance do you use them? Also…what all did you have waxed? I want to wax the area around my lady bits, but am also interested in waxing my bottom and between my cheeks. Did you have that done? Sending you lots of hugs today…this experience sounds both exciting and a little bit traumatic! XOXO
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Thanks for the support, nora – you’re right. A bit of continuing self-care seems like a good idea. I don’t know exactly what the masks are – you just have to get to your appointment 30 minutes early, at least at the salon I went to, and they apply it then. I had scheduled myself too tight to make that change – and didn’t want to reschedule. A Brazilian includes the “area around your lady bits,” and between the cheeks. The between the cheeks part is not painful, which is a welcome relief. I had my armpits done too, which, surprisingly, also didn’t really hurt. A better preparation for the experience is to shave a few weeks ahead of time and let it grow back in to a length of 1/4 to 1/2 inch. (Obviously, google to check those numbers.). But that will reduce the pain level too.
It was both exciting and a little bit traumatic! It might have been a bit less traumatic if I had given myself some aftercare yesterday. Oh, well, It’s also a little tricky trying to act like I’m not up to anything new around here! Sheesh… I hope you and your Sir do meet in person someday!!
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Thank you for answering my questions, Olivia! I am glad to know that the between-the-cheeks waxing doesn’t hurt as much. There is one of those European Wax Centers down in the city… I may just book myself an appointment in January to check this experience off my list. I would want to know how long it takes my body to heal (for the redness and puffiness to disappear). I’d hate to meet Sir for the first time and feel like I was super puffy down there still. You also talked about the intense highs and lows when getting started with a D/s dynamic. I remember that well when Sir and I were getting started. We still have some pretty intense moments together, but it has faded into something more manageable (our three year anniversary is next week). That first year though… I don’t remember much about that first year other than my time with Sir. I was absolutely consumed by him. I am sure I went to work and did other things that year… but my mind was completely absorbed by our new connection, our experiences together, and the extreme highs and lows. It was a very memorable time in my life. Wishing the same for you and Master Jon! XOXO
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Oh, that’s a good idea – getting it done now just to see how it goes. It does give me a nice, silky feel to my skin and some increased sensitivity in a good way.
Omg, I’m glad you told me that – about the first year – that it was so intense. I can see that. I can’t do that though – at the moment, I’ve got some critical challenges at work that need lots of energy and attention – and my full focus. So we have to negotiate that. But it’s helpful to know that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. Or me. Lol.
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There is definitely nothing wrong with you! Relish this time! For me, I felt like I was a crazy teenager again…hormones raging, constant state of arousal, horny thoughts… I hear you about work though. I was lucky about the timing of when I met Sir (during the pandemic). His work was super slow and so was mine. It was hard to adjust as the world opened back up and it wasn’t just about our little Dynamic anymore. Anyhow… I guess balance is important…but not as much fun as what you are experiencing now! XOXO
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Oh, there is definitely that crazy teenager thing going on – only much better than when I was actually in my teens. The work thing is tricky, but I think ultimately my work will be much better because of his presence in my life. I SO appreciate you being with me on this journey and sharing your experience and wisdom. Thinking about balance… seeing a post about it in my future. Thank you Nora. 💜
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~ hugs & kisses ❤
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I’ve never been waxed, and have zero desire. Lol. It’s not so much about the pain, I don’t like the idea of having to wait for it to grow back. I’m a religious shaver. Lol
That being said, I cannot offer any advice but I can give you a parallel perhaps. It’s been a long while since I have been in a state that needed care and reassurance, but I will say that after something intense, for B, I fall apart if I try to go on like life is normal right after. I am much better if I go with my heart, and stay in my head. Sounds silly really, most times I should try to stay out of my head. Lol. I find my submission is at an all time high, and in an odd way I feel almost ‘child-like’. It’s comforting if you allow those feeling to sit with you for a bit. I have to be careful though because as you intimated with your conversation with Nora, it often can’t be a place to stay for life does have to continue beyond the Ds bubble.
I find that I need to do something creative and low key fun after a time to activate that part of my mind. I am referring to coming back to earth after subspace. I didn’t know much about it when we first started all this pain stuff. Lol. Fortunately I have a good friend who helped me navigate the waters after the fact. Do yourself a favour if you haven’t researched it and do so. It can be quite a drop to handle on your own if you don’t have the right information. I was once in a flatline state for almost a week. I don’t wish that on anyone.
I cannot help with the Dom from a far stuff as you know, but sounds like Nora can. I can say that when B and I started down this path I was a complete mess! Lol. Emotions I had been holding in for years came to the surface. Some were absolutely amazing! Some were completely devastating. I got to know myself in ways that shocked me. And as turbulent as it was, I miss those times. I felt so alive. I carry with me all that I have learned and I do feel more settled within myself, but when life gets in the way now, it’s a challenge to feel away from that person.
I’m rambling again. Lol. Keep chatting and writing, it helps I find, keeping that door open to self discovery even when you can’t be who you need to be with people there in your house.
willie
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This is such a beautiful comment, Willie. I am so appreciative of the insight and wisdom you share here. Actually, rather than responding her in my comments, I’d like to share your comment as part of a blog post. Would that be ok? There’s a lot to think about here… I really appreciate your support these day. 💜
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And to think I was so nervous about this comment, especially how the suggestion of looking up subspace might have come across. Lol
Feel free to write away! I look forward to reading . As for support, I was so fortunate that blogging was extremely active and a positive experience when I first started , as well as chatrooms. If it wasn’t for some people I met during the initial few years of our D’s adventure, I’m not sure where I’d be now. If I can offer just a small percentage of that kind of support to you, I’d feel privileged to be able to pay it forward
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No, I loved it! I’m so glad you posted it!
I do know a little bit about subspace, (edited to say: I mean subdrop) from my previous life. But that was – really, that was sooo long ago, I’m having to relearn everything. And I don’t think I had skills in dealing with it myself – I wanted my Don to take care of me. Well, I still do, but I’m more responsible for myself.
Yes! I was once part of a community of bloggers like that too, but I apparently need to renew, relearn, and start over again. Thank you!!
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I stand corrected – I too should have used the term subdrop, not subspace. One of my biggest challenges in that area is an overload of submissive feelings ( after I return to myself) and often no where to properly put them. B’s reaction after the fact, doesn’t often correspond with mine . He tends to be gentle and do the typical “aftercare ” things you read. I do not require that. I require more active Ds, until I can even out my emotions again. He says he does get Dom drop, and that can mess with his reactions toward me. Ah, so complicated!
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Oh, but i totally knew what you meant. And yes, yes, yes. You describe that feeling so well. It is complicated!! I think I should start a feature called “Submissive Chat,” starting with the comments you’ve made this last day or so. {wanders off thinking…}
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Sounds like this was a very powerful experience Olivia. It is so much more than just the hair removal alone isn’t it?
Hugs
Roz
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It really was, Roz! But then is anything like that “just” one thing? Nope. Thanks!! 💜
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