Just popping in…
I’m working a lot, but not too much. Not getting rich, but keeping the wolf from the door. Still moving every day, getting my steps in – not 10,000, but closer than I used to be.
Progress, not perfection, right?
In other news, I have a therapist I really, really like. He is excellent. And we’re doing some pretty deep work.
If you’ve been with me long enough, you know that I have a bunch of Daddy issues. Even his death was not enough to resolve those issues (I’m pretty sure it never is.) But we’re doing a bunch of somatic based work rather than mostly talking, and it’s been amazing.
If you’ve known me a really, really long time, you know that I once had a fling with a Dom who lived far away. He used to tell me we could never be together because I was ”too competent for my own good.” He would explain that ”if we were together, I’d have you make my life so easy… I’d have you doing my taxes and who knows what else. I’d forget that you have the heart of a slave and need to be used and spanked and played with.” Or something like that.
But it made perfect sense to me, at the same time that it broke my heart. I think this new therapy is taking me toward untangling that mess in my head, which would be good.
Plus, it’s really clarified that I’m at the heart of the things that I’ve been complaining about. Other people’s stuff may be annoying, but that not the root of my feelings. That’s a humbling recognition. It doesn’t mean it’s my fault, It doesn’t mean I’m wrong. But it does mean the reason I’m so upset about a bunch of things that don’t really matter is because of ways they trigger my own stuff. NOT a fun recognition, but a real one.
In other news, MP and I are taking the kids on a road trip in a couple of weeks, so that should be fun. Or interesting anyhow. A definite change of pace.
My kinky self is back in hibernation, which is probably where she belongs. (Insert dramatic sigh…) Or estivation, since it’s summer time. But I’m still alive – and you know what they say. Where there’s life, there’s hope.