Revisiting Master Raven Kaldera

Nora, over at Finding Strength in My Submission, has been reading a book by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny. I was delighted that she was enjoying the book and really appreciated her thoughts about it. You can read her reflections (so far) here: Bookworm: Review of Real Service continued. That post contains the links to earlier posts she’s written about the book.

I commented that I had seen Raven present at an event, along with his boi Josh, that I had also done some writing about it, and that he had a big impact on my ideas about submission. Nora expressed interesting in reading about my experience, so I’m re-blogging my first post about him. This was back in 2011 when MP and I had just started dating and were hot and heavy into our D/s relationship. But I had signed up for this event before I met him, so I was there by myself.

I notice in this post that I didn’t refer to him as “Master Raven” when I wrote about him – but I remember back then that was totally acceptable not to use that honorific because he wasn’t MY Master. Anyhow, here’s what I wrote:

For starters, here is Raven’s website.   http://www.ravenkaldera.org/

Before i met him, i was a little unsure how i felt about his paganism.  It seemed ~ i don’t know. Unreal somehow.  It seemed {forgive me pagan folk} it seemed flaky.  i guess that’s how other people feel about BDSM.

But once i met Raven, those doubts just fell away.  He is solid.

And his boy, Josh, made a comment in Sir Top and slavebonnie’s class that made me think they knew what they were talking about.  That they had some education, had done some research on their topic.

i had not planned to go to their class on polyamory.  You know, polyamory is not really my thing.  i’ve been saying i don’t share well, and been quite serious about it.  

But my idea of polyamory has been the model of a Master who says to his slave, “I want another slave,” and brings another woman into the relationship.  Raven’s polyamory certainly doesn’t fit that model.  As he says, it’s not all about sex, it’s about family.

So he starts by telling the story of his family.  i won’t try to tell his story, you can read it on his website.  But let me just say, his family doesn’t fit the other stereotype we have about poly relationships ~  the old Mormon polygamy, also one man and more than one woman. 

As Raven talked about his own poly family, i watched him and Josh.   They were relaxed and comfortable with each other.  Josh contributed equally to the presentation.  The care and devotion between them shone.

Raven talked about the rules for poly relationships.  He’s written a book on this, so i won’t try to cram it all into this post.  But it’s important.

The first rule, he says, is that the person who has the least power, is the one who needs to be listened to first, not the one who’s primary or most important.  The least has to be first.

That doesn’t mean they get the power to decide, or that the Master is submitting to them  in some way.  But they have the least recourse ~ the least power to impact the situation.  So the Master needs to make sure they’re ok first.  They are the most vulnerable.

For me, hearing Raven articulate this created safe space.  i stayed in my chair, but mentally, i was sitting at his feet.

If anyone’s interested, I have a few more posts about him… but for now, just dropping this here.

8 thoughts on “Revisiting Master Raven Kaldera

  1. Thank you for sharing this, Olivia! As Real Service is all that I have been exposed to from Master Raven and Joshua, I had no idea they had written other books! I will go to your blog and look for some of your other posts (and may check back here to see if you can provide me guidance…the month/year you wrote these other posts). Also, thank you for linking to my work! I hope some of your followers find my notes helpful 🙂

    Like

  2. Hi again! So, I used the search feature on your blog and I found a few that mention Raven Kaldera…but I can’t any posts that discuss your reactions to hearing him speak at the conference. Could you please provide the link? I am VERY interested to hear more about what you thought when you heard him speak. Thank you, Olivia 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Olivia,

    Glad to see you post. I have been wondering how you are and hope you are doing well.

    Interesting perspective from Master Raven, and it seems to make sense.

    Hugs
    Roz

    Liked by 1 person

  4. i’m a massive fan of everything Raven K, as you know. He has such an enormous, dignified, Masterful energy. He also has a fantastic laugh. But, yes, the most vulnerable person should be setting the pace in lots of areas including poly. This is certainly something i pointed out several times back in October, as i was in the most vulnerable position because i was placed there. He was absolutely right. Predictably, everything imploded. Mastery is foremost about controlling yourself, something that he also writes eloquently about. (Check out all of his books!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey, Jade!!!! Yes, I did know you were a big Raven K fan – actually, you and I had just become friends around that time, I think. Maybe. Although I have no real sense of time anymore. And yes in terms of poly situations, absolutely, and I also LOVE his ideas about what makes a good Master. And I’m SO glad to hear your voice here. 💜💜

      Liked by 1 person

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