It’s about wanting to fix. About wanting to reduce the anxiety that rises up in my chest when someone I live is not ok.

I can describe it a lot of different ways. I can call it co-dependency – my happiness, my ability to feel good, depends on someone else feeling good so I direct my energy toward them instead of focusing on myself.

I can call it appeasement (or fawning.) I can’t be ok unless everyone is ok. If someone’s upset, I need to smooth it over, make it ok.

Whatever I call it, it’s more about trying to hold together our lives which are cracking like a broken windshield.

The pandemic, working remotely, going to school remotely, everyone in the same space almost all the time, political upheaval, climate change, financial stress, no sex, no romance, no kink forever and ever. Why am I trying to patch it up with duct tape?

After all,

Ring the bells (ring the bells) that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)
That’s how the light gets in

Ok, I’m not talking one little crack. Still. When I think about everything going on, maybe we’re not doing so badly. Maybe the damn windshield needs to come out anyhow…

In any case, I really only need to worry about my own cracks… lol, so to speak. You know what I mean. But I don’t need to be the Fixer for everyone. I don’t even have to fix me.

I went for a lovely walk today. That makes everything a bit better…