Finding My Way – Again

Over and over, we are hit by forces – emotional, physical, or spiritual – that threaten to submerge us. I felt that this weekend, so many of us suffering, whether we were in the middle of the social tsunami or watching, pacing helplessly and wringing hands, calling encouragement from the sidelines.

That sounds so dramatic, doesn’t it? And yet I think it’s true. If this weekend did not hit you in force, other things at other times will.

Today, I’m on my feet again. My dental stuff is sorted out, at least for now. I had a panic attack in the dentist’s chair, which surprised and embarrassed me a bit. But I thought about all the great tools I’ve suggested to my clients about breathing and self-talk and that helped me get through it. Fortunately, the people at my dentist’s office are kind and understanding, so it was not as bad as it could have been.

I did a ritual (of sorts) last night, burning sage and taking some time for a loving-kindness meditation. I had been so scattered all day yesterday, my energy shooting in different directions from moment to moment. It was time to call myself back to myself, and I feel like I was able to begin to do that.

I started reading a couple of books. One is for work. It’s called “Start Finishing,” by Charlie Gilkey, and I’m hoping it will help me move forward in new, more effective ways. I’m also toying with the idea of hiring someone to help me promote myself – but first I’m taking a workshop on it that might be helpful.

I also started reading “Urban Shaman,” by Serge Kahili King. Seeking some kind of spiritual growth… and along those same lines… Next week, I’m doing a silent retreat. I am kind of in shock that I’ve taken this step, but I’m totally committed to it. (Did I already tell youall this? If so, I apologize, I am too unconcerned to go back and check.) Of course, given the pandemic, it’s an on-line retreat. So I’ve rented a retreat space for myself, and how cool is that? Five days and nights of silence. Also without reading or writing, they say. I can NOT imagine. I think it will either be a very powerful experience, or I’ll lose my mind. Or both.

I always feel a bit apologetic about being here without a hint of a fantasy, but that’s the way it goes. Just shades of vanilla here…

11 thoughts on “Finding My Way – Again

  1. There is a train of thought that sometimes we have to lose our minds in order to find it again. I hope the silent retreat does you good, I’ve heard positive things about them.


  2. Hi Olivia,

    Don’t apologise for a vanilla post. The friendships made here go way beyond the kink, we want to hear about the vanilla stuff too.

    So glad to hear you are feeling better and that the dental work has been sorted. The online retreat sounds interesting. I hope you find it a great experience and beneficial.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Roz. Sorry it’s taken me a month to answer this… but the retreat was good and my dental work is getting there, so no complaints. Hope all is well with you!!


  3. No apologies are needed for trying to keep your head straight during TCT, and it has gotten even more challenging given the recent events and ensuing turmoil. Envious of the silent retreat though. After working through all the shutdowns and having to reschedule a trip to Central America, it would certainly be refreshing to go “off the grid” for a brief sabbatical. Daily meditations on the patio help, but getting away from it all is the best. Enjoy dear lady, and return refreshed and at peace. Oh, and a suggestion for the Dental anxiety, use the Nitrous, if your dentist makes it available. It’ll take the edge off what ever you’re having done. It makes me feel like I’ve been to a really great happy hour, without having to worry about the hangover the next day. Hugs to ya!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, you’re right! It can be a struggle. You’re also right that getting away from it all is the best!! AND you’re right that nitrous would be great at the dentist. He doesn’t do that, but he does a pill that knocks me out pretty nicely. So there’s that. Hugs back to you and thanks!!

      Liked by 1 person

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