I actually stayed up til midnight last night, not that I was doing anything particularly festive, but I did welcome the new year in. Just this morning, I’ve started thinking about it being a new decade and pondering whether that actually has extra significance for me.

Of course I remember the year 2000, when everyone was freaking out about the computers not being ready to switch over and how the world (as we knew it) was going to end because of it. To get us through the disaster, my boyfriend at the time insisted on stocking up on gallons of water in plastic jugs, many of which which ended up springing a leak in my basement around 2005, years after he was gone.

All of which has nothing to do with anything, but just thinking about decades gone by. I was born in the 50’s and of course don’t remember any of that. No poodle skirts for me, thank goodness. The 60’s, however, were pretty lovely in their own revolutionary way. From the era of women not wearing pants and having beehive hairdos to bell-bottoms, mini-skirts and long, straight hair. I started high school at the end of the 60’s, thinking I was already grown, ready to do my own thing.

The 70s were the decade of me becoming an adult. High school, college, first jobs. In the ’80s, I was mostly wife and mother, at least that was my main focus. But in the 90s, I shifted my energy to a career, headed back to graduate school, found my true vocation and my dream job, and got divorced. Then the 2000s actually were revolutionary for me. I advanced at work, got married a second time, quit my job, got divorced, lost my mother, got a different job…

In 2010, y’all, I started my first kinky blog. In May, so I guess I’ll wait til then to celebrate. But yikes. That’s a long time. And clearly, in early 2010, I had absolutely no idea how much my life, my sense of self, my just-about-everything would change. I think I once thought that by the time I was 60, I would be stagnant and boring, with nothing much to live for. I have no idea what I was thinking! Standing at the edge of 2020 – who knows what lies ahead?

And here’s a treat – my favorite New Year’s quote:

“We spend January 1st walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives…not looking for flaws, but for potential.”

― Ellen Goodman

I’ve decided that I need to let my family, MP and my daughter, that is, know about the big fuck-up I’ve let happen through my own neglect. I’m 99% sure they’ll be supportive and help me fix it. Plus, it just seems like the right thing to do. That is my actual take away from my fantasy punishment.

We have a house guest now, so I can’t do it right away without confessing to him too, which I’d rather not do, but I can do it Friday evening. That is hard for me to do, like a punishment in itself, and not one that necessarily leads to the same kind of relief as a good, hard spanking. Sigh.

In other news, I might go to the beach this afternoon, because that would be the best way to start a new decade, right? It will be 60 and sunny, not too cold for a walk.

Preparing to step into a new year that needs to be different in some ways, not always sure where I’m headed or what I’ll do when I get there… But my intentions this year are:

• To do more of the things that scare me, things outside of my comfort zone, not just to talk about how important it is to do that. {Ok, I already do some of those things, this year I intend to do more.}
• To do more meditation.
• To follow through more effectively. To finish things I start, to really do the things I plan, at least some of them. To do ones that further my own well-being. (Ok, I already do some of them too. My intention is to do more of them.}

I don’t know if that sounds like a lot, but it is. I need to flesh it out, to identify more clearly what it means, to build it into a to-do list, you know? But it is a lot.

Today, I’ll put this meditation into the universe for each of you, and for me, and everyone: