I might have posted this fascinating article before, but I can’t resist looking at it again. Meet The Dominatrix Who Requires The Men Who Hire Her To Read Black Feminist Theory.

I love this article because it talks about the psychological component of BDSM, and the connection between BDSM and healing from trauma. This connection is part of what drew me to BDSM originally. The idea that we are trying to resolve trauma through our kink appeals to me on a very primal level.

It is Mistress Velvet’s ability to take a step back and evaluate what is going on with her that impresses me. When she says:

“Eventually, I realized, wow, I’m emotionally invested in my clients. They’re getting this safe space. The ways that patriarchy impacts men, they can’t really be submissive in a lot of contexts. They come to me looking for a safe space to explore the parts of them that may not be seen as masculine, or they might have a lot of shame around. They may not have opportunities to be their full selves in a lot of ways, including sexually, because of those societal constraints.” I love her ability to take this to a deeper level.

And this:

“One of the chapters that I wrote [for my thesis] was a little bit about my work as a Domme, but also just generally the idea of BDSM as a space where we could really work through a lot of the stuff that we experience. So what I mean by that is what kind of emotional, mental and social benefits could be cultivated in a space where a black woman is dominant over a white man? What kind of benefits does that have in our lives?

I’m not arguing that it really has systemic benefits necessarily, but I’m arguing that, in the sense that there is so much black femme trauma, to be able to be in a space for an hour, then you leave that space and go back to being one of the most oppressed group ― in that hour, it can be really liberating. It can be a form of self-care.”

I love the thoughtfulness that goes into the work she does. And I can’t capture the things it makes me think and feel… so I will just stop here.