FFF 2.0 – 4-19-19

It was a beach-y kind of week.

Lots of steps – I averaged 6,704, with a high of over 12,000. My low was about 2,500, but that was actually last Friday. I haven’t lost an ounce, but I exceeded my exercise goal every day except one, and my glucose levels are pretty good, even when I allow for a 40 point margin of error. (So these days, I think of a score of 125 as being somewhere between 105 and 145.)

I read a fascinating article the other day, and thought y’all might be interested in it. It’s called “I Suddenly Stopped Being Kinky and I’m Not Sure Why.” It is exactly like the article says – the story of a woman who was kinky and comfortable with it, The author, Rachel Kramer Bussel, says:

If there was kink involved, I probably tried it during my 20s and 30s. Spanking, bondage, choking, being ordered around—all of it turned me on. Dominant lovers, both male and female, indulged my submissive side and I’d return from dates happily sore, sometimes sporting multicolored bruises I’d admire with pride. I even made BDSM part of my career, editing numerous anthologies of kinky erotica.

Having established her kinky bona-fides, she goes on to talk about her current long-term relationship, which is sexual but not kinky. She says:

Losing my kinkiness feels like it happened over time, and like would have come about even if I wasn’t with D. In fact, in moments alone, I have replayed some of my dirtiest submissive fantasies, the ones that had always been a surefire way to get me aroused. They no longer get me going, even on the few occasions when I’ve fantasized about someone other than D. And I am fully convinced that if D. and I broke up today, I would not seek out a kinky partner. It’s an intimate language I no longer speak.

The article is worth reading for her speculation about why this happened. And she concludes:

Relinquishing my kinky identity feels bittersweet. I’ve learned that the missionary position gives me as much pleasure as kink used to, as does oral sex and even intense makeout sessions. These are joyful discoveries to be made in middle age. On the other hand, I’ve had to overcome feelings of shame that I’m no longer as wild (for lack of a better word) as I was during my younger years. For someone who used to need handcuffs or power play to get her revved up, that has taken some getting used to—even seven years in.

I had about a minute once when I thought the connection in my head between kink and arousal had gone away. I had divorced, spent a couple of years not dating or being sexual at all, and gotten in a relationship with a very vanilla man. He did turn me on with his vanilla ways, and for a minute I thought I was done with all the BDSM fantasy. This was before I even realized that BDSM could be a reality.

But it didn’t take long before his consistently gentle touch quit doing it for me and I was back to fantasizing. mostly from Story of O. Shrug. That’s how it went for me. Of course, my relationship with him deteriorated too. It was never unpleasant or contentious. We always got along in a – well, in a very vanilla way.

He had none of the faults of my first husband, and ultimately none of his virtues either. He was a great antidote to my crisis-ridden first marriage, but about as bland as mashed potatoes. Regular ones, not with garlic or anything. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s pretty mind-numbing.

He’s the one who cheated on me. I think our relationship bored him too. He actually preferred his woman a little more dramatically dependent. Based on what I know of his ex before me and the woman who came after, he liked to be a hero, but in a mashed potatoes kind of way. If you know what I mean.

Anyhow. That was my dabble into a vanilla existence that i thought was going to be my new sexual reality. For about a minute. Not that I always had kinky relationships before that – I didn’t. But I relied on Story of O in my mind to get me going.

Anyhow. Happy Easter, if you celebrate the holiday. We’re doing Easter baskets here and the kids are super excited. This will be their first US Easter and as my granddaughter says, earnestly, “We’ve never had Easter like this!!” Firsts are always fun. Hope you have a good one!!

12 thoughts on “FFF 2.0 – 4-19-19

  1. I can actually see her point. For me, kink is only…, I guess I’d call it a tool… a way to achieve the kind of mind fuck that I find hot. It’s not a requirement for me in and of itself. I get more triggered by the person I’m with than by the thing we’re doing. (For example, SP & I never acted out kink together but it was still a memorably hot relationship.)
    Just how it works for me – YMMV.

    Enjoy the bunny stuff!


    • Thanks, Jz – It’s so interesting to hear your perspective on kink. I think we all see it – and enjoy it – a bit differently. For sure, the person is an important component for me – necessary but not sufficient in and of itself. Um, himself.



  2. Hi Olivia,

    The pic looks awesome and way to go on the steps and glucose levels!

    Interesting article. I’m not entirely sure what happened to our kink, I suspect “life” just got in the way too much and then it was almost a case of the longer we were without it, the longer I “could” be without it (if that makes any sense). Whether we will return to kink who knows. We talk about it every now and then.

    Happy Easter! Hope you have a wonderful weekend with the family 🙂

    Hugs l


    • Thanks, Roz!

      Yeah, that makes perfect sense to me – the the longer you were “without” kink, the longer you could’ve without it. I’m that way about sex. In the best of times, I can practically stay sexually awake and alert, if you know what I mean, but without it, my desire dwindles and dies. I’m curious (not that it’s any of my business) but would you want it to return? Are you sexual together without it? Have you already written about this?

      Happy Easter to you too!! Hope you’re enjoying!!


  3. That was very interesting. I had the opposite thing happen to me: I went from vanilla to kinky all of a sudden. Luckily my husband/Master was excited by it rather than turned off. Just recently I had a bout of lack of interest in kink, but I also wasn’t interested in sex either. That was due to stress, but it seems to be all back now.


    • And that’s fascinating – that you went full-steam kinky suddenly. If there were a kinky scale, I think of you as way high on the charts, so interesting that you weren’t always. I’m glad your stress level is back down enough for you to enjoy it all again!!


  4. This was interesting, Olivia, especially coming from RKB … I’ve struggled with libido issues off and on forever, but without kink, I think it would be gone entirely … good on you for your steps … and continuing to take care of you … nj … xx


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