FFF – 2-9

I was reading Vesta’s submission – she was talking about her husband.

“What I have noticed is that as my husband became immersed in the body form, in his own body form, a sense of space quietly began to be lost, like air being sucked out of a blow up swimming pool that has developed a small puncture.

As conversation reduced to talk of salt, and the evils of sugar, the benefits of magnesium and calcium, there was less and less room for a sense of sacred union. Anxiousness about the body form, about survival I guess, or perhaps preoccupations with wellness, took over the space and left not enough room for touch, togetherness, a sense of being spiritually alive.

With nearly every comment he makes of this sort, and his insistence that I give my heartfelt agreement, I feel further removed…”

I’ve been doing a bunch of medical appointments this year – i’ve named it “The Year of the Doctor.”  For the last 3 – 4 years, i had really only gone to the doctor if I was sick.  Once to get my blood pressure meds, but not again.  Not for a mammogram.  Not for a colonoscopy.  Not for the follow-up blood-work they wanted me to do  Not for any of that.

This year, I’m doing all the things.  Colonoscopy – check.  Mammogram – coming up.  Problem with my foot – working on it.  But i can see how easy it would be to get caught up in all of this physical stuff.  The more I do, the more they want me to do.  I’ve gone from lab work once a year to lab work every 3 months – to make sure my kidneys are still working, because of the blood pressure meds I’m on now, to make sure my blood pressure is perfect.  I’ll get another shot in my foot today.   If that doesn’t work, we’re looking at more invasive procedures.  I’ve got follow-ups and check-ins – this week, I had three doctor appointments.  That’s insane.

So I can see how easy it would be to get caught up in this stuff to the point that if someone says, “How ya doing?” i might find myself responding, “Well, they just about got my blood pressure down to what they want it to be, and my foot’s doing a lot better, even though I still can’t wear heels, and …”

I”m doing some proactive work on Alzheimer’s too.  Not that I have Alzheimers, or any form of dementia at the moment, but it runs in my family.  The women in my family live a long time, and most of them end up losing their minds long before they die.  I would prefer not to do that.

My mother was really smart.  So she was able to cover up the difficulty she was having pretty successfully for so many years that by the time we – my sister and I – realized what was happening – it had already happened.  She couldn’t take medication for it not only because she couldn’t remember to take it, but she couldn’t remember what she was taking it for or that she’d agreed to it.  There’s a lot of stigma and shame about losing your memory, but pretending you’re fine is not really a good solution.

I am still fine -but I’ve had this weird memory quirk with using the wrong word that seemed different to me.  So we’ve done some checking – an MRI, mostly – and next week I’m going to take a test of cognitive abilities which will at least give us a baseline of where I am now.

I don’t intend to thwart death, but the progression of Alzheimer’s can be slowed if you catch it early.  I’d like that to be me.  And I think that talking about it – here and other places – is one way I can begin to reduce the stigma and shame around it.

Now, as for the rest of that FFF stuff, I met my exercise and dance goals, didn’t lose an ounce, didn’t count calories, and didn’t organize a damn thing.  Man.  I’m living a one-star life.   I did go to the beach, and walked in the calming air of the ocean, waves breaking just a few feet away, wind beating at me, feeling that immediate sense of well-being the ocean brings me.  I ate less a couple of days, applied for a loan to buy a house, and am using my Dragontree journal!!   And it’s ok.  It’s a new week.  We’ll try again.




16 thoughts on “FFF – 2-9

  1. You and I are ‘in sinc’…mamogram this past week…after a lapse of a few years, got blood drawn this morning…check up next week. Here’s to a healthy and ‘obeying doc’s orders’ year! Never too late to start or to re-start.
    hugs abby


  2. I love the pic of the woman carrying the Torah. Where is that from? Can you share? I might just need that in a print to hang in my house! Glad you at least are doing the “preventative” stuff. Especially Colonoscopy! I go every 2 years because it runs in both sides of my family and I lost my Dad to colon cancer which is so beyond awful to suffer that way. He never had one and had he gone, I have no doubt he would still be alive today. Hope the foot heals soon.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Hmmmm, I found it on google (Circles of Women dancing) and it looks like it’s connected with Salome Productions. It is beautiful, isn’t it. And yeah, colonoscopies are important. Glad I got that done. I’m sorry that your Dad had to go through that and glad you’re taking precautions!! Thanks for commenting!


  3. Olivia! These are all big things. And congrats on the potential house. I think the beauty of FFF is we are all on the road together and can see how life gets in the way of goals. I celebrate your successes and the things that didn’t quite make the list this week, I look forward to reading about next week. Medically, this is apparently becoming my year to work on health as well. With a busted knee, weight loss seems so unimportant. I’m just trying to get a sponge bath in every other day. Now that’s a good goal!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Amy – yeah, it’s good to do some medical stuff. There’s that. Thanks for the celebration support! I’ve had a bad knee before, so I really sympathize with what you’re going through!! That’s so miserable. I can sure understand why you’re not out jogging!!

      Thanks for the comment!


  4. The beach is my favorite place. I am at my most relaxed and stress-free there. That’s huge! And you got a lot of health things done with the doctors. Plus, applying for a mortgage! That’s huge.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Lea – I’m with you on the beach. I hope you live close enough to go often. I used to live 10 hours from the nearest beach- now it’s about 30 minutes. So much better!! Thanks for the comment and the support.


  5. Wonderful Olivia you’re doing all the doctor checks this year. Lets hope you are not heading for Alzheimers, such a sad way to go.
    Well at least you met your exercise and dance goals. Slow steps and you’ll get there eventually. Good luck!
    Hugs Lindy xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the support Lindy, I really appreciate it. I don’t think I’m heading for Alzheimers anytime soon, so that’s something. It is a hard way to go. And yep, I did exercise and dance. Hopefully, I’ll get there! Thanks again and hugs…


  6. one star? nah. being responsible with one’s health is an important life long goal in my book. I’m glad you’re going to the doctor and getting everything looked at. my mum has awful kidneys because of her love affair with various medications. so yes, if they wanna draw blood quarterly? let them if it means keeping a close eye on potential problems. the alzheimers thing – i hear you. dad has combination dementia (alz and vascular) so we’re all very keen on sharing this with the world right now. to remove the stigma, and teach family that it’s ok to talk to him like a regular person, just don’t expect his responses to be like his OLD self. They see him twice a year so for them i suppose the progression is very obvious.

    we put mum thru a cognition test for a baseline too. she has some mild impairment but nothing unusual for her age. So please please think of the doctors visits as a good thing. a lot of stuff can be done if conditions are caught early!

    also, gratz on the house ( i hope you get the loan) it all looks very positive right now, i’d say you’re perfectly on track for FFF!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, fondles, I appreciate all that support! Sorry to hear about your Dad – having gone through that with my Mom, I know how hard it can be. I like the way you’re approaching it, that’s pretty cool. In a way It probably is hard to handle in a different way for folks who only see him once in a while. But thanks for doing what you can to reduce stigma!!

      I’m glad your mom’s doing ok. And I do think of it as a good thing, mostly, although I am not crazy about doctors. Yep, I’m hoping in the next 5-10 years they develop a preventative treatment for Alzheimers – and hoping they do it soon enough for me!

      Thanks – I’m excited about the house, fingers crossed.

      And especially thanks for all the support. hugs…


    • Oh, I was thinking about my FFF goals! You know, if I’d hit all the goals there. But honestly, it was kind of tongue-in-cheek too. I’m not seriously rating my life like that these days.


  7. Hi Olivia,

    Wow, good on you for being proactive with the health checks and Alzheimers. That made me think as my mother and at least one of her sisters suffered. Such a wicked disease. Congratulations on the potential house and meeting your exercise and dance goals!


    Liked by 1 person

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