Arbitrary of course.  January 1st is not really new and 2017 slides seamlessly into 2018 for real.  But the “new year” is a reasonable way to mark time, so I’ll go with it.  (I’m sure that’s a great relief to the universe, right?)

My tooth is fixed – yay and double yay!!  The dentist was able to patch it up, thank goodness, so it didn’t cost a whole fortune.  So that’s good.

But this is going to be the year of self-care.  Dental work that’s been postponed, doctor stuff.  I’m going to be 62 this year – yikes.  How did I get so damn old?  And what will that mean for me in the greater scheme of the universe.

I am not the same person i was when I started this kinky journey at a different blog in May of 2010.   Which is as it should be, I suppose.  I’m that much older and things have changed.  But I feel like being in my 60’s is very different from my 40s and 50s, not necessarily in ways that i appreciate right now.

I guess i need to come to terms with that before i hit 70.  It seems like there’s a shift that needs to happen, and i don’t know how to do it.

In Ericksonian terms, there are two stages of development that seems relevant to me. They are Generativity vs Stagnation and Ego Integrity vs Despair.

7. Generativity vs. Stagnation

During middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65 yrs), we establish our careers, settle down within a relationship, begin our own families and develop a sense of being a part of the bigger picture.

We give back to society through raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and organizations.

By failing to achieve these objectives, we become stagnant and feel unproductive. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care.

As I head to the end of this stage, I find myself wondering how long I need to keep trying to make the world a better place.  Have I achieved the goals i set out for myself?  Am i done?  And if i’m done, then what do i do with myself?  Moving into the final stage…

8. Ego Integrity vs. Despair

As we grow older (65+ yrs) and become senior citizens, we tend to slow down our productivity and explore life as a retired person. It is during this time that we contemplate our accomplishments and can develop integrity if we see ourselves as leading a successful life.

Erik Erikson believed if we see our lives as unproductive, feel guilt about our past, or feel that we did not accomplish our life goals, we become dissatisfied with life and develop despair, often leading to depression and hopelessness.

Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of wisdom. Wisdom enables a person to look back on their life with a sense of closure and completeness, and also accept death without fear.

What constitutes a successful life?  I haven’t been “unproductive,” i know that.  But have i done what i needed to do?  And what do i do now?

i guess the next few years are time to figure this out, right?

Anyhow, that’s what is on my mind today, the last day of 2017.  I intend to write more here in 2018, even if it’s not necessarily kinky.  Stay tuned…