Seduced by a shiny new car and a sense of freedom.

I feel shackled by my life sometimes, and not in a good way. Not velvet cuffs or Shibari. Shackled by duty and obligation and trying to do the right thing for the collective good.

A friend of mine suggested that I begin to think #MeFirst and I thought that was a great idea. Sacrificing to raise kids or to support people when that support actually reduces suffering or creates growth is one thing. Habitually putting other people’s well-being ahead of my own is unnecessary and not even a virtue.

I know this isn’t the first time I’ve made this kind of proclamation. But that’s how life works, isn’t it? We travel up a spiral of growth. Probably not always moving up either. But I keep circling back around to the same issues, but from a slightly different place with a different perspective each time.

{In case you can’t see the image, it’s a spiral staircase, with two figures, probably a boy and girl, walking up it to a colorful light. It says: “The path isn’t a straight line; it’s a spiral. You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths.}

So I’m taking my newfound sense of freedom and running with it. Not sure where I’m running to, but that’s ok. This morning, I did a ritual based on The Prayer to the Six Directions and that felt good – it’s been ages since I’ve done that.

Then, I read this poem aloud:

I am a wild woman
I know, in spite of myself
and in spite of what I've been told
that there's beauty in every age
no matter how old
I am a wild woman
I've learned what it means to be a life bearer
to bear children
to create art
to plant seeds of love
I am a wild woman
from the depths of the dirt underneath my fingernails
to the height of my very soul
I am one with the Earth
the winds from the four directions whisper through my skin
I am a wild woman
and the spirit of every wild woman coalesces in me
for we are each wild women
and we are all the spirit of the wild woman
I will follow the voice in my heart
I am a wild woman
I sing from my heart
I dance with the stars
I howl at the moon
I love uncontrollably
I am a wild woman
from the deepest, darkest, most sacred part of me
I am fearless
I cry in strength
I open my arms to the sky and welcome the rain
I am a wild woman
I nurture, love and protect
I stand, strongly, silently, sweetly for my brothers
I walk dutifully, prayerfully, joyfully upon the mother
and I will not be stopped
I am a wild woman.

Melissa Clary

Finally, I looked in the mirror and said an affirmation that I’ve been doing lately. And when I sat down, I felt bathed in the light that is within each of us – holding my own light and finding the light of the collective.

The last step, of course, is sharing this here. Connect internally, then connect with others. Because that’s how this works, even though I have to learn this over and over. Centered and grounded, rooted from within. Connect internally before connecting with others.

#MeFirst