I’d been planning to have an installment of Connections ready to publish today. Even wrote one yesterday, but the last half of it didn’t save. Sigh. I was trying to rewrite it this morning, but there really isn’t time.

I have a super full day today, with appointments just about every single hour between 9 and 6:30. This is good because, you know, money. On the other hand, it kind of makes me tired just thinking about it. I haven’t slept well for a couple of nights so I’m pretty much exhausted already.

I know, whine, whine, whine… Would I like some cheese with that whine? Yes, please and thank you. (Ok, just kidding… no wine for me.)

Christmas is coming. Ask me how much of my Christmas shopping I have done. Go ahead, ask me. The answer is “almost none.” This is not actually unusual for me, but I clearly have work ahead of me. This is why people sometimes get IOU slips of paper carefully wrapped up in a box on Xmas morning.

In other news, I ran across this quote and know that it is my theme song.

“Behind all of the “I can’ts” are merely “I won’ts.” The “I won’ts” mean “I am afraid to” or “I am ashamed to” or “I have too much pride to try, for fear I might fail.” Behind that is anger at ourselves and circumstances engendered by pride.”
~~ David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

But apparently, I am not going to let go of that fear, shame and pride and do the things I won’t do. I have begun to think that maybe this is just preparation for my next life, where I will do everything differently and better.

Ok, I may be wallowing in self-pity just a bit. That’s ok. I can if I want to.

I saw an opening for a different job that I’m halfway interested in. It is a really cool possibility in many ways, although, like everything, it would come with some real sacrifices. I would have much less time to spend with my grands and would have to actually go to an office every day… which I haven’t done in about 7 years. But I’ve got until mid-January to apply, so there’s no rush to decide, and then I’d have to see if I got it or not so it’s not like it has to happen today. Just something to think about.