I finally found a therapist – yay! – who is different from any therapist I’ve had before. I like him a lot so far.
And I had a blinding flash of insight after our session today.
Ok, it was probably not actually that dramatic… but here it is.
I feel like I’m living in an Anne Tyler novel. Do you know her work? It’s not easy to describe – I don’t have words to do it. But I love this line I found in Wikipedia – that her unorthodox upbringing led her to “view the normal world with a certain amount of distance and surprise.”
I have been feeling some despair lately, as if I must have led my life all wrong to end up where I am right now. Sigh. I have felt that I have nothing to give that anyone wants.
Of course part of that is the lack of dominant to my submissive self.
But now that I realize I’m living in an Anne Tyler novel, it feels different. I can say things like, ”She wondered sometimes how she had come to live with this man who so clearly cared about her but was oblivious to the things that might please her.” And that makes me giggle. Or –
“As she aged, she wondered if she had really ever helped anyone at all, or if people had simply pretended to feel better so they would be able to quit showing up every two weeks to talk about their problems with her. Although, she supposed that was unlikely; she had noticed that people did seem happier when they left her office, and there was no actual reason for them to pretend.”
Isn’t that fun?
Here are a few quotes from her, although really, I’m not sure they do her justice out of context:
“Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person.”
“Liam really enjoyed a good movie. He found it restful to watch people’s conversations without being expected to join in. But he always felt sort of lonesome if he didn’t have someone next to him to nudge in the ribs at the good parts.”
“There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you’ve got.”
If you’re an Anne Tyler fan, tell me what you think. Of feel free to write your version of my story. If you haven’t read any of her books, The Accidental Tourist or A Slipping Down Life or Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant are some of my favorites.