Post Vacation

Yes, it helped me reset.

Yes, I feel better.

It was not the best vacation I’ve ever had, and I was exhausted by the end of each day, but it was not the worst either. It was more like a series of mishaps and plans gone awry, an obstacle course of sorts, interwoven with delightful moments and experiences to treasure.

I may be taking a personal vacation to regroup and recover in the not too distant future. But I came home with renewed energy and enthusiasm for doing the things I can do right now.

I had a big (fairly painful) insight in the week before I left that has been reinforced and is sticking with me. It’s one of those “ yes, I already knew that but apparently I have to learn it over and over again” lessons. Are you ready?

I’ve realized that I’m really pissed off at the universe for the pandemic and all the ways it’s messed up my life. Sooo many ways. I tend to feel like I’m ok, we’re ok, and for sure, we’re surviving. But I’m just now realizing how angry I am about being caught up in this dystopian story.

So deep inside somewhere, I’m kicking and screaming cause it shouldn’t be like this and I can’t fix it!!! And I can’t completely adapt to it – because it’s not ok. It just isn’t. And then finally, I remember. I used to have a therapist, we’ll call him JM the Wise, who would occasionally say something like this:

“You know, the gods don’t care if you have a car or a house. Really, the gods don’t care if you starve. They’re interested in soul work, are you doing things that grow your soul?”

And remembering that made me laugh, because if there were ever a time to grow our souls, now is it. The ground is fertile. As Thomas Moore says:

“Disappointments in love, even betrayals and losses, serve the soul at the very moment they seem in life to be tragedies. The soul is partly in time and partly in eternity. We might remember the part that resides in eternity when we feel despair over the part that is in life.”
― Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life

That doesn’t make it feel any better. But – here’s the thing – there is no rule that says my life is supposed to be “better.” Or pleasant. Or comfortable. Nowhere in the universe does the rule “Olivia should have a pleasant, comfortable, satisfying life,” exist. Like the Buddhists might tell you, it is my attachment to the idea that my life is supposed to be comfortable that causes my suffering.

Having absorbed that lesson, (for the moment, I’m sure I’ll forget again), I’m better able to appreciate the things I do have and enjoy the moment. Also working on moving forward my life in the ways that are available to me right now without getting lost in what I hoped for or what I wanted.

8 thoughts on “Post Vacation

  1. Glad you are finding some enthusiasm . Make the best of what you can do and find satisfaction in the little things . Enjoy the outdoors when you get that perfect day or the rain it will lift you spirits and clear your mind for your next task. Good Luck .M

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i hear you on the soul growth but it’s not sometg i can bring myself to think about because like you i am also in a state of anger most of the time. I’m beginning to wonder if i need to take a week off work and just hole up by myself (without the mother or any responsibilities) for some R n R. For me that stands for rest and recharge. I think i’m just tired of everything! Glad that you’ve gotten some positives out of your vacation tho. Now send some of those vibes over this way! *love you*

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fondles!! So glad to see you here!!
    Yeah, pandemic anger is a real thing, isn’t it? Could you take a week off by yourself to rest and recharge? That sounds like a fabulous idea. I’m about ready for that myself. It would be good for both of us! (Probably we all need that…)
    I will definitely send some positive vibes your way – and lots of love!
    💜💜

    Like

  4. It’s so true, feeling that we don’t have the power to do anything to change the situation is so frustrating. I’m glad you are able to work through that, even if it takes a lot of reminding yourself. I really need to learn this life lesson, too, and I have taken some inspiration from your words here. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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