On May 7, 2010, I wrote my first kinky blog post on my first kinky blog. It said:
“This is my first post! O, my.
Ok, this is a blog about me, a****. And Sir. And submission – mine; the dominance is His. But you probably already guessed that.
i am just beginning to figure out how this blog works. Now to see if i can post a picture…“
That was 10 years ago. Good grief. And I’ve known some of y’all that long, since that first blog when I was still new to the world of kink and new to the cyber-world of blogs. I’ve grown old here in BlogLand.
My life is not the same life I had in 2010. I’m reading a book now that casually suggests that most of us make a major life change every 3-5 years. That would mean I’ve had 2 or 3 big shifts since then, and for sure, that’s true. Career paths, lovers, and blogs.
When I started, I was super secret with my kink, and there was lots of kink to be secret with. The blog was a place to explore all my feelings about what I was doing and thinking and feeling. That first blog had all the energy and enthusiasm of the novice.
In that blog, I went through a period of being pretty open in the kink community where I lived and even traveled to some regional and national events. I met some amazing people, learned from some terrific gurus, and experienced some incredible highs – and lows. I would not change a minute of it.
Then my life changed, like a kaleidoscope, and I saw the world through a different lens. I turned away from the path I was on, wrenched myself away from my blog, and took a different direction. I also started a new blog to explore my experiences in a committed D/s relationship. Which, like many things, was great – until it wasn’t. Then of course it was less and less D/s and finally it wasn’t at all and I ended that blog.
And I started this blog. Olivia. If you’ve been reading a while, you already know the ups and downs of my life over these last – omigoodness, last 4 years! March 21, 2016 was my first post here. I said:
“Starting over, once again. i don’t even look submissive here, do i? But i am. Trust me, i really am.
i don’t know what i’m going to do here. Fantasy maybe. We’ll see.
I know I’ve been on a 2 year decline in self-care and how i treat myself, in terms of being submissive and in terms of my own sexuality. That stops now. Somehow i’ve ended up way over weight, wearing granny panties and tennis shoes. No more of that.
It took email from a guy who had a crush on me in high school, and an unpleasant incident with my partner, to wake me up. But i’m awake now.”
And then there were 4 years worth of me trying to figure out who I am and what I needed. All of which brings me to here and now.
I don’t even think I’m submissive anymore. Or if I am, it doesn’t matter. MP is not going to be dominant and I’m not looking for anybody else, not now anyway.
This blog has been the place I come to be myself, where I’m not worried about getting judged or misunderstood. I can write about whatever I’m thinking, feeling or doing and feel confident that at least Roz will hear and understand. 💜 And often, I find that others will too.
But I need to bring that energy to my vanilla life. I need to show up there with all of myself. Ok, I don’t need to go public with any sex stuff or kink, but the rest of me needs to be there. So I need to go. I’m feeling all dramatic and angsty, but really I will miss youall dreadfully. If you want to stay connected in the vanilla world, let me know and we’ll figure out how to do that. You can email me for now at email@example.com.
I’ll leave the blog up. Someday, I might even pop in and play with the stories a bit. It would be fun to set them up so you could read the parts of each one together. Maybe someday down the road I’ll even finish Sofia and Lucas.
“What’s really transformative is our willingness to keep going, our openness to possibility, our patience, our effort, our humor, our growing self-knowledge, and the strength that we gain as we keep going.”
― Sharon Salzberg
I am not happy to tell you that the closing song for the Mickey Mouse show is playing in my head. I will spare you the music video. If you are old enough to remember it, it is probably already playing in your head now. Annette Funicello and all.
"And now it's time to say good-bye to all our fam-i-ly, M-I-C- See you real soon! K-E-Y Why? Because we love you! M-O-U-S-E..."
I really do love youall. Thank you for being here and for helping me get to this point in my life. 💜 💜 💜