On vacation

Sorry. I had every intention of writing this week, but is not going to happen. Having a fabulous time, Might be back next Friday but maybe not. I shall return though. Like the proverbial bad penny

FFF 2.0, 7-14-19 and A Quote or Two

So here I am, 2 days late. Living the sedentary lifestyle. Step count is 4,200. Ridiculous.

Working, working, working…

Work stuff is actually going well, things are starting to fall into place, I might actually make money again someday, which would be nice. Well, not just nice, but essential. So that’s good.

And I got my blood work back from the doctor; it looked pretty good. Even my cholesterol levels were much better so I’m not starting on statins just yet. A1C was 6.2, which is even better than last time. That’s on a small dose of meds, but still…

It is only slightly funny that I’ve talked about my health so much on here that I’m being followed by Chiropractors and such. Nope, not kidding. Of course, maybe it’s just spam. We can hope.

In other news, I’m going to be visiting Where I Used to Live and I’ve made an appointment with my old therapist, who I think I used to call JM the Wise. Or something like that. I’m excited to see him. It’s only been about a year since last time, but much longer than that since I was seeing him regularly. If I keep visiting my hometown every year, I may do an annual visit for the rest of my life. Why not? We do annual physicals, right? It’s my annual mental health check-in. And, unlike a physical, I’m looking forward to it!

At last, the quotes you’ve been waiting for. Did you know that if you google “Quotes spanking” you get a bunch of pro and con parents spanking their children stuff? But if you google “Quotes BDSM spanking,” you get little gems like this:

“When a hand comes down across your bottom, the sting is quickly followed by a prickling numbness. The pain vanishes and the heat generated from those slaps sends lines of electric fire through all the tissues and nerve endings, ripples of warmth that gather in a wave of sensations, a million tiny kisses that lap over your clitoris and take you to a breath-taking orgasm. That’s why girls like spanking and spanking girls is a unique pleasure.”

― Chloe Thurlow,

This next one is long, but soooo worth reading.

“Leaving my empty goblet, I slide from the soft pile at his order. I can already feel the desire bursting from between my thighs as I fall to all fours and begin my crawl to where he has seated himself.

“We will begin as before—you will be spanked over my knee—but this time there will be little pleasure in it for you, my captive. I intend to hurt you—to mark that pretty little behind—and make you unable to sit properly for some time.”

I am back by his feet as he concludes and warily, I raise my eyes as he finishes the sentence. I know I am not hiding the terror in my face and yet still I am compelled to carry on—submitting myself to him in this way for our mutual need. He catches my hair in his left hand and pulls it into a rough ponytail, again drawing my head back.

“When my hand is aching from tanning your backside, I will bind you to the bedpost and continue to thrash you with my strap. Do you understand?”

He eyes me wildly and for a moment I am too afraid to even respond. I have to swallow hard again to find my voice.

“Please, my Lofðungr,” I say shakily. “I do not know if I can bear such a punishment?”

He never takes his eyes from me as he answers. “You can and you will, my sweeting,” he says. “You will submit to me in this way as a sign of your true desire to be mine.”

I close my eyes at his words, understanding for the first time his real intention. He means not just to punish me, but to mark and possess me in some meaningful way. To make me his again in the way that our coupling had done before. As I open my eyes again and see him standing over me, there are tears but also a new acceptance.

I nod my head as best I can whilst he is still holding my hair in his fist. “I will bear it,” I say, my voice breaking.

He leans in toward me, his face just an inch from mine, those blue pools burning into me. “You will bear it,” he replies, his hot breath against my face, “and I will love you for it.”

― Felicity Brandon,

That really captures the essence of D/s for me, and it so much more than spanking. And it is incredibly hot.

Ok, enough of that. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, and today’s adventure is waiting for me, whatever it’s going to be.

FFF 2.0, 7-5, & the Float Tank

Checking in, step count was 5,700, which is slightly above sedentary. I didn’t establish the pattern I wanted though. Instead of not going under 5,000 any one day and going over 10,000 at least one day, I had 4 days around 3,500 or 4,000 and two days around 9,500. Shrug, whatever.

So I went to the float tank last night. If you haven’t heard of float tanks or flotation therapy, you can read just about everything you wanted to know here. I have friends who go regularly, and I was excited to try it.

When I got to the place, it was very “spa/yoga/new age” feeling , all wind chimes and filtered water in a clear glass pitcher, which was pleasant. Light and airy, and the attendant was lovely. She offered me water and we sat on the white furniture while she told me what to expect.

I felt pretty comfortable by the time she led me to the room. There was a dressing area and a large shower and the door to the float tank. It wasn’t like the one pictured in the article where you would have to bend down to get in. It was more like this.

Anyhow. The attendant left me. I showered off and stepped into the tank, prepared to experience that “mind turning off” “total relaxation” that they talk about.

Instead, I got a steady stream of thoughts playing through my mind. I had not left my woes outside the tank, I had locked myself in with them.

I felt good. Physically I felt good, and the thoughts weren’t distressing, but they were constant. I could mindfully watch them come and go.

It was a fascinating experience, I’m not sorry I did it, I may do it again sometime. But it was not what I expected. It seemed to make it really clear just how tightly I’m wound. It was a wake-up call for how much more I need to let some tension go.

I woke up wondering what it would take for me to actually shut off my mind.

It took about a minute for the answer to come to me.

Yes. A spanking.

Not a punishment spanking. Maybe not even a hard spanking. Preferably not even hard. Just firm. And long. Sensual. Steady. Absorbing.

That would shut my brain down.

I was going to end with a couple of quotes about spanking, but I think I’ll save them for the Wednesday challenge. Give me time to savor them (and rediscover that yes, I can still get turned on!)

Quote Challenge: Desire

David, over at Dispatches from Dystopia, has passed on a challenge that is right up my alley. “Once a week I will post 2 quotes on a topic, pick 3 bloggers to post on a topic of my choosing and choose a topic of their own.” David chose Desire for the challenge.

Rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you. (Thank you, David!)
  2. List the rules. (Done)
  3. Share your favorite quotes on the relevant topic.
  4. Nominate other bloggers.

The challenge was started by someone named Rory, but I’m not linking to him because it looks like his blog is about him and his dog with not a trace of kink. It was passed to David by Succulent Savage, so if you don’t know Mr. and Mrs. McDaddy, you might want to check them out too.

I really am going to do this once a week, and if there are topics you’d like to see quotes about, just let me know, I’m happy to oblige! I’m probably not going to nominate 3 bloggers every week, at least I don’t think I am, but I’ll do it this week to start the fun. I nominate:

Jz at A Reluctant Bitch because this is also your kind of challenge, my erudite friend.

Jade at The Chrysanthemum and The Sword because it fits your academic background and may serve as a distraction.

Edited to add: The topic for your quotes is “Appreciation.”

You, wherever you blog, if it looks like something you’d enjoy. I couldn’t pick among everyone else I know.

Ok. Desire. Here we go.

“Anxiety and desire are two, often conflicting, orientations to the unknown. Both are tilted toward the future. Desire implies a willingness, or a need, to engage this unknown, while anxiety suggests a fear of it. Desire takes one out of oneself, into the possibility or relationship, but it also takes one deeper into oneself. Anxiety turns one back on oneself, but only onto the self that is already known.” 
― Mark Epstein, Open to Desire: Embracing a Lust for Life – Insights from Buddhism and Psychotherapy

“Desire makes life happen. Makes it matter. Makes everything worth it. Desire is life. Hunger to see the next sunrise or sunset, to touch the one you love, to try again.

‘Hell would be waking up and wanting nothing,’ he agrees.”

Karen Marie Moning, Shadowfever

It’s interesting, isn’t it? Desire. I have some clients who seem to have no desire for anything – young people who, theoretically, have everything going for them, but lack the will, the motivation, the desire to move toward anything. That lack is paralyzing.

At the same time, we know that desire is often at the root of misery. Wanting things to be different than they are. Wanting to have things, wanting to have reached our goals, wanting life to be different Lots of potential for suffering tied up in desire. And yet… not having desire for anything doesn’t bring happiness. Not the way I see it in my clients, which is a kind of numbness.

So maybe the secret is to have desire and then be able to transcend that? As if you have to feel it first to truly be able to let of it? Or maybe there’s a theoretical balance where you feel desire but can acknowledge that it’s just desire and then move beyond it? Recognize that the “i wants” are just that, our own wants and not mandates? Maybe it’s about keeping them in “right perspective.”

Hmph, I was trying to find something about “right perspective,” which I think is an actual thing, but couldn’t find what I was looking for. So I’ll define it for myself, in this context anyhow.

Desire isn’t bad, it motivates us, and that’s helpful. At the same time, we need to be able to recognize that most of our desires are small, self-absorbed preoccupations that aren’t important in the greater scheme of the universe. And that’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want. It’s only a problem if you think it more important than a lot of other things that are actually more important.

There. Not very eloquent or deep, but real. I’m up too early again, going back to bed now. Later…