Checking in – step count is 6,800, which is super close to my 7,000 goal, but still includes the 19,000 from Saturday, so it isn’t all that impressive. My low was 2,700. Weight is hovering between 163 and 166, glucose levels are good. Check – all systems go.
I’m feeling ok about life today, despite some days this last week when I woke up way too early and couldn’t sleep, more dental woes, and a growing stress financially. On the other hand, my teeth are ok today, i gained a couple of opportunities to make a little money, and I’m going to an expensive two-day workshop next week for free. I’m super excited about that.
I was looking back at my old blogs this week – back when I was aisha, and then sofia. I got a WordPress notification that aisha was getting 29 views an hour and went over to look. It was one person, of course, reading through it, but that’s always kind of cool. And then I checked in on the sofia blog, just for fun.
Each of those blogs lasted 3 years – not exactly, but I ended them both somewhere after the 3 year mark. I’ve been here 3 years too, and for a minute I contemplated ending this blog and starting a new one. What would I call myself this time? What blog template would I use, what images? What would my theme be? I thought about trying to do something that spanned my kinky life and the vanilla.
But I decided not to. I quit the aisha blog partly because I had met MP, we were active in the kink community and he was uncomfortable with the aisha story being connected with us. And I quit because I wanted to function as a therapist for kinky folks and didn’t want my own story compromising the therapy. As it turned out, that didn’t happen much, but my blog persona was already gone.
I left sofia because that was the blog of my relationship with MP, a relationship that started with so much fanfare and fun, such promise for depth and growth. The I woke up and realized I was deluding myself, none of that was going to happen, so I ended that blog and came here.
I don’t quite know what this blog is anymore – I guess just my journal as much as anything. Although why i would want to write a semi-public journal is a little odd when I think about it. However, thanks to Fondles, I have a reason to show up at least once a week and document my life journey. For whatever reason, FFF seems to anchor me here, and I deeply appreciate that.
In other news, today is Summer Solstice. To celebrate, I’m going to start cleaning out our pool, which is a hellish mess of bacteria-ridden leaves. But we’re having a family friend visiting from our old hometown the week of July 4th, we’re keeping the kids home from daycare that week, and having a pool we can swim in will be a fun, free activity. Wish me luck…
I’ve been thinking about my spiritual journey too, trying to figure out what I need to be doing for my own growth. I miss that deep sense of connection with myself and the universe that I’ve had in the past.
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Olivia 
Good to hear from you.
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Thanks, David!!
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Glad to hear you’re feeling ok, Olivia … and going to an expensive but free workshop sounds like the best kind of workshop … hope the topic(s) are worthwhile. I was intrigued by your remarks about your blogging history … did you find it difficult to ‘let go’ of your other blogging personalities and start again? inquiring minds want to know :)) … nj … xx
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Thanks, i’m sure I’ll come back from the workshops with all kinds of stuff to talk about. You know how i am…
It was dreadfully hard to let go of being aisha. That blog held so much of my heart and who I was. Aisha was connected with so much community, both on-line and IRL and – yeah. It was hard. But I really felt like I was doing the right thing in other ways – well, I guess I was, even though it didn’t work out the way I’d hoped. Leaving Sofia was easier because I wasn’t quite as invested and because I knew I was coming here. I was excited about being here too, so that was different.
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As long as you let me know if you move, I’m good.
Yy
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Lol, always, Jz.
yY
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You know, I can’t even remember if I knew that you and Aisha were one and the same. But i remember reading there. In any case, I’m glad you’re still here, and I’m glad you enjoy checking in with FFF. And thank you for always reminding me to take stock of my own spirituality. (Something must be in the air cos I left that last reply to your comment on my blog about the spiritual thing before I got here… and here you are talking about it. )
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Yeah, I think you and I lost touch in between aisha and here, so i don’t know. But I remember your comments from back then, and I know I was glad to see you when we reconnected here! That’s funny about the spirituality piece – it must be in the air. I read your comment and appreciated it.
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Hi Olivia,
Great job on the steps. Glad you are feeling ok. Interesting to read about your blogging history. I always enjoy visiting here and am glad FF has kept you here 🙂 I too would like to know if you decide to move.
Hugs
Roz
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Hey, Roz – thanks for the support- and for being interested in my “back in the day” stories. I appreciate you being here! And I will absolutely let you know if I decide to move – which I probalby won’t anyhow.
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I don’t think I realized you were/are aisha.
You are doing fantastic with FFF, even if sometimes things are hard and it doesnt seem that way.
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Thank you!! And I know – sometimes it doesn’t seem like I was aisha!
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