Ooooh beach time!

A grey day at the beach
Not exactly a sunny day at the beach, but it’s 70°, and I can live with that. I can feel myself settling and becoming more centered as I sit here. It’s lovely. The other night, I felt a sudden sense of sadness. It was kind of odd, something happened that upset me, and while I was thinking about that, it was as if I were enveloped in sadness. But it didn’t feel completely bad. It just felt like I was deeply sad. I know, that sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But I find myself remembering it and somehow feeling good about it. Which is also very strange. But the sad feeling passed and today, life is good. Super good.

FFF – 12/28/18 – End of the Year Edition

It’s been almost a year since I started this adventure. That’s amazing. I started in February – I was late getting with the program. And I’m so glad I did. (Yay for Fondles and thank you for getting me focused!)

I started with these goals:

  • Eat less
    • Use my stupid Fitbit to count calories
    • Reduce carbs and sugar. Cut the obvious ones. Pasta. Ice Cream.
    • Eat 3 meals and 1 snack per day – no more.
  • Move more
    • Pay attention to my stupid Fitbit when it tells me to move to get my 250 steps/hr (when possible.)
    • Do some kind of yoga once a week. Use the gift certificate I have for 3 free yoga classes
    • Do some kind of dance once a week
    • Do a walking video twice a week
  • Spend 20-30 minutes organizing stuff at least 4 day/week
  • At least twice a week, do one of the many things on my to-do list that I’ve been putting off doing.

It was a good starting place. I quit counting calories when I went full-on low carb (not keto, just low carb.) And I’ve definitely moved more, but not like I planned to. Didn’t do the yoga class. Didn’t dance once a week. Lots of didn’t’s there

I didn’t meet my goal for organizing, but I did pack and unpack my entire house, so that should be worth something. Well, mostly unpack. There might be a few more boxes in the garage… And I’m still working it on it.

My to-do list is always a work in process. Or progress. Is it work in process or progress? I’ve been wondering about that for a while. Hmmmm, the internet has lots of nuance about it – well, some nuance anyhow. It seems that work in process means the work is happening now, with an end in sight. Work in progress is long term with no visible ending. That’s me, for sure. My to-do list is both a work in process and in progress, so there’s that.

I’ll have some goals for the New Year next week. For now – this week:

Step count average: 5,869. That’s an improvement over last week, but not where I want to be. Still. I’ll take my improvements where I can get them.

In other news, I got a surprising email. If you’ve been reading here practically forever, you may remember long ago that Sir and I played with the idea of playing with another Dom. We got as far as emailing and setting a tentative date for dinner, which we had to break. Anyhow – that was back in September of 2016. A couple of days ago, I got an email from him.

He said: If you would ever be interested in meeting up, get back with me. We almost met up and our schedules got crossed, somehow. A long time ago.

Which made me laugh out loud. He does not even say “Hi.” Not so much as a “How are you?” Silly man. Even if we hadn’t moved far away a few months later, it seems unlikely that I’m going to want to connect with someone quite so – thoughtless? shallow? socially inept? Whatever. No, thank you.

I did respond though, cause that’s what I do, and told him we’d moved and to reach out if he ever got down here. He said he’d been to Our City before and it was a nice place to visit. And that’s the end of that, but it just made me laugh.

The holidays must make people nostalgic because I also got a message from one guy I’d been talking to on Fet – not the one I almost connected with, the other one. The one who’s married, looking for someone on the side. He didn’t have much to say (well, not now and not ever, really) but just dropped in for a minute. Figuratively speaking. He does at least ask how I’m doing and so on, which is still a pretty low bar for social niceties, but better than Mr. “Let’s meet up.”

And that’s the news for today – oh, ugh, except for the scale, which is at 159. Ok, 159.2. But I plan to lose 4-5 pounds over the next 10 days. Quit laughing. They’re new pounds, at least 2 of them are, I can do this. I am not going to finish the box of bourbon balls I got for Xmas (Woodford Reserve Bourbon Balls) or the ice cream in the freezer, and that will be a good beginning. So there.

FFF – 12-21 & Winter Solstice

My FFF is quick and ugly. Steps – 2,900/day average. Scale – 157.8 Book – no words. Zero.

“What?” you say, “What happened to the bold assertions of last week?”‘

Um, where have all the flowers gone? (Hahaha…)

Well, we did Christmas with my sister and brother-in-law on Tuesday, I worked extra other days to make up for the time lost, and for the time I’m going to take off this year. We did holiday stuff with the kids – baked cookies, got Santa pictures. One day I was in meetings for 9 hours straight, almost back to back. It was a full week, just not a lot of movement. (I know, I know, excuses, excuses…)

In other news, I’ve decided my website needs to be totally redone – not the content so much as the design. Well, the structure of the content needs to change along with the design. Not the concepts so much.

I had originally thought I wouldn’t work at all during my vacation (which starts today and goes through Wednesday of next week.) I thought it would be interesting to see what that would be like.

Now I’m on vacation and I’m dying to dig into that website. I was up til midnight last night working on it – but maybe I should just look at that as my last working time? I think I’ll do that. Maybe I’ll even spend some time off-line.

In any case – it’s Winter Solstice today!

Merry Winter Solstice! Blessed Be.

May the Solstice and Turning of the Wheel

Bring You Love, Peace, and Good Fortune in the Coming Year.

Welcome the Returning Sun with Joy.

FFF 12-14-18

Here we go.  Steps average = 4,593.  Worse than last week, better than the week before.  Sigh.  I didn’t have a big step day this last weekend so that doesn’t help.  I haven’t been to the gym this week at all. 

I have gotten on the scale some though, and am a bit dismayed to see that I’m back up to 158.  Yep.  I’ve zoomed from my happy low of 154, which only lasted about a minute, back up to 158.  How do I even do that?  Oh, um, Christmas candy and cornbread, apple fritters and Doritos, and lots of other deliciousness, that’s how. 

Ok, I can get back on track there.  Or I can just get fat and unhealthy again.  Lots of other stuff going on in the meantime, most of it moving me in a positive direction. 

AND I started a new BDSM story.  I’m not going to stress on whether or not I do it every day, but I’ve set a low-bar goal of 1,000 words/week.  It will be fun to see how it develops.  And I did hit that goal this week, so yay for that!

Tons of work to do today – and Xmas shopping still undone.  It’s going to be a light year this year, but that’s ok.  The kids will get what they need and some of what they want, and all will be well. Right?

A Random Post

Disclaimer:  This is a random post that doesn’t have anything to do with anything anyone else has posted.

One of the things I notice at the holidays is how hard it is when you don’t have money.  Actually it’s hard anytime.  We judge people based on financial factors. in all kinds of ways. 

I’m really lucky because I haven’t been in any real financial strain for quite a while, but I’m have more financial insecurity right now than I have in a while.  Plus, I have really struggled at times, so I know what it’s like.  There were times that I didn’t have a budget because I knew I didn’t actually make enough money to live on, so I knew I couldn’t come up with a budget I could live by so there wasn’t any point in making one.  

But I learned some really important things.  I learned that there are huge penalties for being poor.  Whether it’s late charges on bills or paying higher car insurance based on zip code, we are punished for being poor.   I could rant about how wrong this is, but not right now.

I learned that get we judged for not having money. We have a belief in this country that if you work hard you’ll succeed (financially.)  So if you’re not successful (financially), then you must not be working hard, or you must be doing something wrong.  That’s a big ole lie, but we like to believe it.  Because if it were true, then wealth would be merited and only lazy people would be poor.

Let me say it again.  That is a huge lie.  Most of us – myself included – are one serious medical illness away from bankruptcy.  But it is so profoundly embedded in our culture that there is something wrong with you if you’re not doing well financially that lots of hard-working people, who really know better, still carry a bunch of shame around that. 

THEN, because we pay lip service to the idea that money’s not important, those same people feel bad for feeling that way.

Do you hear that?  I’m feeling bad about not having money, and then I’m judging myself for feeling bad about not having money, like it’s not perfectly natural to feel that way.   When how I feel is perfectly justified and clearly the result of a materialistic world view of a capitalist society. 

And that’s the only part of this I really want to address.  If you are beating yourself up for feeling bad about not having money, please stop it.  Please be more compassionate with yourself.  What you’re doing is really, really hard.  It’s ok to acknowledge that.

That’s all.

A New Goal

Just popping in to say – I have a new goal.  I’m going to write this story living in my head, and I’m going to do it by writing at least 1,000 words every week until it’s done.

Now – those of you who have done that November Na-No-Wri-Mo thing are free to sneer at the idea of 1,000 words a week.  Granted, it’s a low bar.  At that rate, it will take the better part of a year for me to write a novella, which is my goal.  So be it.

I’m gonna do it.  I’m going to add it to my FFF check-in.  And I’m gonna do it.