FFF – 8-31 – and Some Random Memories

7,433.  That’s my average step count for the last 7 days.   That makes me feel pretty good.

My days are full and the weeks fly by.  We missed date night and play time last week – I was out of town and came back late-ish Friday.  We plan to make up for it tonight.

Jz at A Reluctant Bitch did a post recently that brought up a memory I wanted to share.  Once upon a time, many years ago, i went to an event called Winter Wickedness with my Sir at the time.  There was a – not a class or a workshop – an experience, I guess, called Scarlet Sanctuary.   it was one of the loveliest experiences i’ve had.  Here’s what i wrote about it back then.

i began to think about the Scarlet Sanctuary at bdsm camp.  i didn’t tell you all about that yet, and really, i could never do it justice anyhow.

Picture a darkened room, parts of it screened off.  There is music, soft, kind of new-age, flutes and drums maybe.  We’re greeted at the door by a soft-spoken man who asks about a few preferences – and do we want to experience this as a couple?   Yes, we do, and he takes us each by a hand and leads us behind the screens.  Two women join us, they undress Sir, the man undresses me.   It is very sensual and gentle. 

Sir and i lie side by side on the massage tables, our hands touching.  Our breathing is slow and rhythmic.   The man and the two women begin to touch us. 

Energy flows from them to us, through their fingertips into my skin.  Tingling warmth and heat, sensual, and yes, sexual, in a soulful way.   Like Mother Earth and mountains are sexy, like the sun warming naked flesh, like love is sexy.   That’s what the energy is, of course, it’s love.  It’s love and it’s God and God is love and energy and alive in each of us.  And when that connection happens, and the energy flows, i feel God inside me, alive and powerful.

As i walked tonight, i called on that memory, and remembering makes my palms tingle now, makes me feel warm and safe and at peace.  The energy nurtures me in my submission, and it nurtures me at work.  It makes me grateful.

I ended with this:

What about you?  Is there a spiritual aspect to your experience of BDSM?

I do miss that and am trying to be open to ways i can find that again.


FFF 8-24 (on Saturday)

I was traveling yesterday and barely realized it was Friday or I might have gotten my FFF done.  But that’s ok, because GUESS WHAT!!  I have a new number on the scale this morning.  155.8  That’s right.  One – Five – Five.  Ok, it’s point 8, but still.

That’s 20 pounds less than 175, which is where I originally started on this challenge.  (I think.  It could have been 178.  Not when I started in January with FFF, but when I originally realized I HAD to lose weight.)


Anyhow – step count?  Seven day average is 8,100.  Yes, that’s over my 7,000 goal.  I have a new strategy, of sorts.  I maximize my steps on the weekends, aiming for 10,000, which I can usually do those two days, and then try for 7,000 during the week.  I’ve been doing better about walking in the morning before I get locked into meetings and such, and I’ve been scheduling phone calls with friends during my walk.  Since it’s a walk, not exactly a power walk, it’s no problem to do that.  Plus it forces me to step away from whatever else I’m doing at that time.

Anyhow.  I’m not mentioning that one day when I forgot to schedule breaks and found myself at the end of the day with 1,295 steps.  Clearly, the plan is working overall, so that’s exciting.

Fondles, sorry I’m late…  ❤  Thanks so much for doing this.  I don’t think I’d have this success without the community of support you created.


Breathing Again

So Friday night, on the way home from date night, i might have fallen asleep in the car.  Sir didn’t realize i was asleep and went in the house without me.  Twenty minutes later, he’s back – “Are you asleep?!!  Wake up!!  Come on in here right now.”  Lol, um, yes, Sir, as I stumbled in all groggy.

We had already agreed that we would save our kinky good times for Sunday afternoon, when the kids would be gone and we wouldn’t need to watch the noise.  He’s experimenting with all kinds of things and getting different levels of loudness  in response, so an empty house is all good.

I had forgotten that when he has me wear leather cuffs for a while, after he takes them off, I can still feel them around my wrists and ankles.  It’s a lovely sensation, almost as good as the lingering touch of rope.

But enough of that, i was spanked, then – nipples clamped – Sir played around with some ways to make me cum until i did – and a good time was had by all.  We both dozed a bit, snuggled together and that was pretty lovely.

In un-kink-related things, twice this week, i was contacted by old friends from long ago.  One of them i hadn’t talked to since the late 80’s, which is a really long time.  But the other one was my friend from high school, so we’re talking mid-70’s.   That’s a frigging long time ago.

I was glad to hear from both of them, nice to reconnect.  Also interesting that the original friendship with each of them was part of a three-people friendship.  In each case, there was a third person that they were already friends with and who introduced me to them.  I don’t know why it strikes me as meaningful that they have both re-entered my life just now, but it feels significant somehow.  Also a bit like i’m waiting for some third event to happen.

But it makes me feel as if there’s some new energy i’m putting out into the universe.   And maybe there is.



FFF – 8-17-18

Just popping in so quickly – I’ve seen 157 and for 1 hot second, I saw 156.6 on the scale. Of course, I could have been hallucinating.  But I think it’s on the way.  Like frigging Xmas.

I have no time, y’all, and not much energy.   Physically and emotionally drained.  Nothing wrong, in fact, things are going well.  But I’m running on empty at the moment.

Not walking enough.  (Although – checking my FitBit, apparently I averaged 6,008 steps/day over the last 7, which is better than I thought it was.)

Not sleeping enough.  Average over the last week is 6 hours and 18 minutes.  That level of sleep won’t kill you, but it sure will leave you tired.  Too much time tied to my computer.  But i’m working my way through my coaching program, and getting lots of official practice, and building my website and that’s all good.

Date night tonight, which is exciting.  Hoping i can stay awake for the festivities after…

And I’ll finish with this – RIP Aretha, Queen of Soul…


FFF – 8-10-18

Here we go… reporting in.  Step count average was 5,341 – which is worse than last week, but not an all-time low.  Weight range is about the same, although I’ve actually seen a 157.something a few times.  I’ve been doing better on not over eating at night.

I’ve been working on emptying boxes in the garage – now am at the point that I need someone to help me move some boxes before I can make more progress.  I’ll pin my daughter down to it sometime soon.

I had an unpleasant afternoon and evening experiencing some vertigo this week ( see, that has become my “all things health related” outlet.)  It finally went away, but not before I considered the possibility of a lifetime of being unable to move around independently.  That’s some scary stuff.

My new and improved doctor told me that there’s an easy fix for it though – just shake your head vigorously for about 8 seconds and it should go away.  That’s good to know; this is maybe the third time it’s happened in the last few years, so it may well happen again.  Hopefully, I’ll remember the cure.

So I did the skin tag removal thing – I will tell you, that was even more uncomfortable than I expected.  Ok, painful.  It hurt.  Like a mother.  And I have at least one more session to get through.  But – it will all be worth it.  As my mother used to say, “You have to suffer to be beautiful.”  (Please be aware that I totally believe that and I totally think it’s ridiculous, both at the same time.)

Date night is tonight!  Woohoo – good times ahead.



I’ve been thinking about re-finding myself (“What? Again?” you say.)

Yes, again.  There was the whole re-finding my kinky self, which is doing pretty well these days.  Now i need to re-find my work self.  And maybe my everything else self too.  And recognize that it’s just an ongoing process.  I don’t get to do it and then it’s done.

A couple of things have brought that home to me.  One is this quote:

“carrying on a conversation at dinner and texting under the table…. Continuous Partial Attention involves an artificial sense of constant crisis, of living in a 24/7, always-on world. It contributes to feeling stressed, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and unfulfilled; it compromises our ability to reflect, to make decisions, and to think creatively.”
― Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation

I used to pride myself on multi-tasking.  Now I just do it mindlessly.  I would like to move away from that and be better able to focus.  Because this is also true:

“The simple act of being completely attentive and present to another person is an act of love, and it fosters unshakeable well-being. It is happiness that isn’t bound to a particular situation, happiness that can withstand change.”
~~ Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness

And being able to do that is an act of service.  It’s one I used to practice regularly with Sir, consciously turning my attention to him when he talked to me.  I’ve gotten out of that habit.

Partly, i’ve quit doing it because we both work from home.  He may pass through my “office” area, taking a break from his own work, while i’m right in the middle of something.  He would never interrupt a meeting, but if i’m writing or reading something, he often starts a conversation.  I may or may not stop what i’m doing to fully pay attention to what he’s saying.  Often, it barely slows me down – i can type, nod, and say mmmmhmmm quite easily.

In the same way, if Sir and i are talking, and i get a text message or email, i may open it and answer while still carrying on the conversation with him.  Which is going to be a fairly half-assed conversation at that point.

So one goal is to do that less.  To do it less with Sir, and less with my daughter and grandkids too.

The other goal is to plan a few days personal retreat.  I found a retreat center within 30 minutes of us that has an affordable cottage I could rent.  It’s near the river and has trails to walk and even a prayer labyrinth.  Years ago, I used to go away by myself every year for a few days, somewhere similar with nice scenery and simple living quarters.  I haven’t done that since I met Sir.  So that’s on my agenda for the not-too-distant-future.

I want to use the time to retreat into myself, but also to plan my work for the next 6 months to a year.  I want to do a visual representation of what I want – and maybe I can do that before the retreat, and then use the retreat time to build on it.  I want to eat simple food and take long walks by myself, down the paths to the river and mindfully through the prayer labyrinth.


Slowly, i am building the life i want.



FFF 8-2-18

So here we are.

Step count is better.  Averaged 6,882/day this week, so that’s a definite improvement.

Weight range the same.  I have been eating a bit too much in the evening again and need a strategy for how not to do that.  (Although really, just saying no to those ice cream urges is probably key.)

The house is inching its way to better organized.  Maybe.  Two steps forward, one back.  Which is better than one forward and two back.

Had another lovely date day last week – date night didn’t work out, so we moved to Sunday afternoon, when no one else was home and some serious spanking was in order.

Another date night tonight – looking forward to it.  Have not made my appointment to get waxed yet, but that’s coming soon.  I am totally looking forward to it.

Not much else to say from here – sorry to be so boring… Just lots of productivity and some stability, which is not all bad.

Ok, y’all this is too funny – my first version of this ended with this paragraph.

I just now noticed that this post isn’t offering  me the option to use tags and categories.  Weird.  Playing around with it a bit, but still can’t do it.  Guess it doesn’t really matter – but strange.  Anyone else having this issue?

Then I went ahead and published it.

Then I realized I’d made a new page, not a new post.  Ooops…  Copy and paste and delete – and ta-dum, here ya go.   Ha.  You just never know the multitude of mistakes you can make til ya make ’em.  Glad I solved the Mystery of the Disappearing Tags.  Hope your day is at least that satisfying.