Mindful

/ olivia

I just started an online class on Mindfulness.  It’s an 8 week program, modeled after the program that Jon Kabat-Zinn does in Massachusetts.   I’ve imagined ways to get to the program there, but it has stayed a distant fantasy.  This program (which is free!) is going to be my substitute.  I am pretty excited.

In the meantime, my daughter and the grands are here, and settling in.  This is going to be an adventure in multi-generational households, and i’m excited about that too.  It’s been a bit unsettling for the rhythm of kink that Sir and i had just begun, but date night is Friday this week, and we will just have to make it flow as best we can.

I think it’s a little bit difficult for me to hold the idea of pleasing him with my submissive self separate from him being pleased in the household.  The reality is that children tend to be a bit noisy and messy and not always do what they’re told the first time.  He knows that, and would be the first to agree with that – and still doesn’t always enjoy experiencing it.  i need to make sure that i’m not trying to manage that discomfort for him or to manage the kids and my daughter so that he’s not uncomfortable.  Hence the need for some mindfulness.

Paying attention with intention in a non-judgmental way.

Which is another way of saying they can be noisy and messy and he can have feelings about that.  I don’t have to judge it – it’s not really good or bad.  And I don’t necessarily have to do anything about any of it.  It’s not my job to change how they are.

Ha – I say that, and I immediately want to start qualifying when it’s TOO much noise or mess, or when his feelings are TOO strongly expressed or i think they’re unreasonable.  Nope.  I am free to intervene if and when i want too, but that’s not my starting place.  It is ok for them to be who they are.  The kids have a mother; Sir is in control of himself.  (And he’s not usually loud or angry.  Thank goodness.)

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10 thoughts on “Mindful”

  1. Good lessons. A mentor from somewhen in my past once told me that I try to control everyone’s reactions and emotions around my dinner table. My friends are adults and they can handle themselves. While she acknowledges that I’m just trying to prevent things from getting too heated up, I don’t have to be responsible for the actions / reactions / opinions / rudeness / sense of entitlement / judgement that any of them present. They can all be responsible for their own behaviours. This post reminded me of that. Something that I admit I don’t always remember. So thank you, and good luck!

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    • I think it’s really hard to not fall into the habit of wanting to make sure that everybody’s ok all the time. Yep. Thanks for the good luck wishes – I’m pretty sure I’ll need them!!

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  3. Hi Olivia,

    The course sounds awesome, and interesting. Glad your daughter and grands are setting in, it certainly does change things around the house. You do raise some good points, we cannot be responsible for other people’s actions or for how they feel. Although the tendency is to try and manage things so that everyone is comfortable and to keep the harmony.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    • I’m enjoying the course so far. And yes, I totally want everyone to live together in peace and harmony – and that might even happen in the long run. But I”m pretty sure I can’t “manage it” for everyone. 🙂 Hugs…

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