FFF 6-29 (on 6-30)

Because late is SOP these days… (Do people still use SOP for Standard Operating Procedure?)

Anyhow, reporting in, I don’t have a step count this week.  I broke the band on my Fitbit, ordered a new one, but got the wrong kind.  So I was going to go to Target to get the right one, but now I can’t find the Fitbit. Anywhere.  I took it out of the place I’d stashed it in my purse when the new bands came in – and now it’s gone.  This is the story of my life these days.

I need to start petitioning St Anthony on a regular basis – he always comes through for me.  But I feel a bit guilty about doing that since I’m not Catholic anymore. Talk about cherry-picking…can I ditch the pope and the priestly hierarchy and keep St. Anthony?

In other non-news, my weight is in the same range.  160.2 – 162.8.  Shrug, I can live with that for now.  I need to be careful though.  With the state of the country being one terrible thing after another, the urge to binge eat is strong.  I’ve overindulged a couple of times, and just need to stop it.  But the world is crashing and burning around me and the heaviness of sadness and grief at the injustices around me and the suffering of people feel almost unbearable sometimes.

So of course I’ve increased my self-care, right?  BWHAHAHAHA – no.  Not one little bit.

But tonight is date night, so yay for that, and next week, we might go to a munch.  Seriously.  Good times ahead!


FFF – 6/22 – on Saturday

Just checking in – i missed posting on Friday and haven’t had a chance to read any of the usual FFF posts, but i’m working on it, for sure.

My good news, fitness-wise, is my step count, which was 48,599 – really close to my goal for the week of 7,000/day.   Of course, some days were over 10,000 and some only 5,000, but still, i’m pleased.  Hoping i can do that well this coming week.

Weight is in the same range – 160.2 – 162.8 – so that’s good.  Looking forward to seeing a big 159 one of these months weeks.

Organizing my house is a work in progress and will be.  I got another set of shelves made – 2 more to go.  Also have a kitchen cart I need to put together and a whole garage to clear out.   Office area to straighten up.  Whatever.  I was out of town Monday-Wednesday, so not a whole lot of progress.  Just working on it…

I have not been sleeping well – awake about 3 a.m. most mornings, even if i didn’t go to bed til 11 or later.   The things that are happening in this country are breaking my heart every day.  I’m doing the things i know how to do to manage that, since being heartbroken isn’t actually helpful to anyone.  And i’m doing the things i can find to do to bring about change.  But it’s still hard.

So last night was date night, and by the time we were supposed to leave, i had managed to take a shower and dress up just a bit, but i was feeling more like crawling into bed and staying there.  A lovely steak dinner perked me up a bit, and tiramisu and coffee for dessert at a different restaurant was the perfect topper.  I almost feel asleep on the way home.

It would have been fine with me if he had just let me flop on the bed and sleep, but he was not having it.  “I know you’re tired,” he said.  “Get undressed.”  The bedroom door was carefully closed.

“Head here, feet here,” he says.  Obediently, i lay down, arrange mayself as directed.  He rolls me over gently, face down.

His hand is ouchy.  Steady smacks, alternating cheeks.  Followed by the belt.  Ahhhh.  So lovely.  A little harder than his hand, but sooooo lovely.  My body just relaxes.

Then he rubs something on my butt – baby oil?  I don’t know.  Something. I don’t ask.  Don’t care.

The small paddle is next.  It’s not wide, reminds me of a paint stick, but heavier than that.  And it’s a stingy feel as it lands.  I mean, it feels stingy.  Definitely more pain.

It lands on my ass, stinging, and then there’s a ripple out effect, as if there are tiny stars of pain waving across my butt.  Weird, right?  But stars like – like seeing stars maybe?  Like it’s a psychedelic paddle and it’s leaving trails, like people used to talk about back in the day when acid was a thing.

So i just relax into that, watching the tiny stars in my head and thinking that the wham of the paddle hurts but then the stars almost feel good.  Very strange.  i cry out a little bit during the last 10 – perhaps the stars have lost their novelty.  But still.

When he’s done, he uses the magic wand, and some magic from his hands, and pretty soon i’m whimpering and moaning in pleasure.  Ripples of pleasure shake me, rolling through my body like an earthquake, which is such a cliche, but the pleasure is new each time.

And then he moves me so my head’s in the right place and my feet are where they belong and i’m gone…

…for about 10 hours.  i wake up feeling better than i have in days.  Ready to face the world.



Where Did i See This?

Y’all.  I just finished reading this amazing book called Self-Published Kindling:  Memoirs of a Homeless Bookstore Owner.


I think I heard about it here – in one of my kinky friends’ blog.  Was it you?

If it was you, I owe you a huge thanks.

If it wasn’t, then you should go read it.  It’s $3 on kindle.  And so worth it.

That’s all for now.


Wrote that last night.  Too tired to hit publish, lol.  I’m out of town, which is nice, and last night after dinner, I walked up to the river where i am.  I do love water.


Tonight, i’m staying in, had a steak and salad in my room, going to bed early.  Discovered that this Mik Everett person has another book, which I’m about to buy, maybe for the plane ride home tomorrow.

I kind of have things to say here, but no energy to say them, so I’ll just say goodnight…

P.S.  Updated to say that Turtle:  The American Contrition of Franz Ferdinand is NOT available on kindle.  Which – how can that be?  If it was available at one time, how can it not be?  Anyhow.  So I won’t be reading it on the plane, but I bought a hard copy.  Seriously.  That’s how much I want to read it…

Now good night, for real.


Another Early Morning

Another early morning watching the sunrise at the beach. Can’t complain about that.

Went out for dinner last night and had the best hush puppies ever. They were fabulous. And instead of  serving them with ketchup, they serve them with melted butter.  You dip them.  And why not? They are really just big fried bread balls. It was amazing. I thought of Jz and her liking for hush puppies, and wished she was there.

Project for the day is doing stuff around the house. I have two sets of shelves to put together, and one set that needs new tacks in the back of it. Once I’ve done that, I can really finish organizing. Good times ahead!

FFF 6-15

I already broke my big news – that i hit the 160 mark.  I’m still seeing that number some of the time – new range from the 162s to (happy dance) 160.  But I need to get back to walking more or I’m going to lose that.  I’m going to –  – lose the gains I’ve made.  Or gain my losses?  Yep, that.  (Which for some reason cracks me up – gaining losses and losing gains…)  Anyhow…

My success is lovely even though it means i’m not making progress in recognizing that it’s not all about weight.  Or – I do recognize that, i just don’t truly feel it.

“It’s not about weight or size or fat—weight is a measure of gravity and nothing else—it’s about living joyfully inside your body, as it is, today.”
― Emily Nagoski, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Anyhow.  Yeah.  27,000 steps this week is SAD, and I just need to do better.  I’m not in the flow of my new schedule yet, and I need to check my priorities.

There is probably not going to be an actual date night this week – with Sir’s son and GF here, “we” are taking a back seat to entertaining them a bit.  I’m not complaining – I really like them both and enjoy spending time with them – as long as Sir and i don’t slip back into old ways.

I’m making tiny bits of progress on the house – which is better than none, right?  Yep, I thought so.

And i’m sleepy – having company also means staying up too late, and then having to get up early the next day.   I’m super glad it’s Friday, i’m ready for the work week to be over and the weekend to start.  We have a couple of fun activities planned for the weekend, so that’s exciting.

Hope you have good times ahead of you too!!

“Life’s short. Live passionately.”
~~ Marc A. Pitman

All About Time

I made a serious schedule for myself last night.  I’ve got so much going on, i figured i’d better work out exactly how i was going to make everything happen.  Realistically.

It reminded me of the days of my youth, when my kids were little and we didn’t have much money.  I would occasionally try to work out a serious, for real budget so we could make ends meet.   But no matter how i laid it out, which ends i stretched, or which expenses i reduced, i couldn’t realistically make ends meet.  Um, because they didn’t.

In the same way, i now have a morning schedule that doesn’t include showers.  Quit laughing – seriously, that’s a problem.

Of course, there is enough time for real, for everything i need to do.  The problem is that some of that time is after my regular work day instead of before and my chances of really doing it after work are much lower than if i do it before.  After work, i begin to wind down, the kids (yes those amazing grand-kids) are home from their summer programs, there’s dinner, Sir is through working and i’m tired.  i don’t wanna do anything except family stuff.

Which – by the way – my daughter and the kids arrived safely – and are settling in beautifully.  So far so good.

Anyhow. All this explains why you’re not seeing me here as much – this is not even in my schedule.  I took time off my half-hour for Facebook to be here.

Date night was good though – and i did tell him about the stroking my hair thing and it seems that he was able to hear me because actions speak louder than words.  Also, he had bought a new belt and we discovered that our bedroom is apparently sound proof enough or far enough away that the slap of a belt is not audible to the rest of the family. AND it’s clear that i still love that feeling of that slap of leather as much as i ever did.

We have company this week – Sir’s son and his girlfriend are visiting, so that will be nice.

And now i’m 5 minutes behind schedule – 6 by the time i publish this for sure.  Time for mindfulness practice.  Quit laughing.  I wish i could find an image of someone in sitting meditation poised on a treadmill.   7 minutes behind now because i googled meditation on a treadmill.

i think date night is Friday again, so yay for carving out time for the things that really matter.



FFF – 6-8-18

It’s looking good for the team this week – ok, there is no team, it’s looking good for me.  Apparently, grand-parenting is better than a diet, better than a fitbit.  Or maybe it’s the prospect of spankings and such in my future.  It’s not because of my step count, which was about 44,000 – better than last week, but not hitting my goal.

But whatever the reason, this morning, I hopped on the scale and saw a number i haven’t seen since who-knows-when.  (I know, i am more than a number, my self-worth does not depend on my weight, right?)  But it was 160, y’all.  Ok, 160.6, but still.  It’s pretty darn exciting.

I could mention that I’m having some issues at work and, for once, instead of eating more, i’m eating less.  Very odd, right?  Usually, anxiety drives me straight to the food.  Instead, i’m just not even hungry.  Don’t misunderstand me, i’m still eating, just less than normal.  So there’s that.

My non-obese weight goal is 148.  So i still have a long way to go – 12 pounds.  I’ve lost 12 pounds though, so i guess i’m halfway there!!  Ok, that’s good reason to celebrate.

In other news, I’m having some serious issues at work.  Ok, i already mentioned that, but consider this an indication of how serious it is.  Sigh.  But what a great opportunity to find my Zen, right?  Feel free to send me positive energy and good luck, cause i can use it.