TBT – Kinda

You know that i’m not very good at following rules, right?  Wait – that’s not quite right – i can follow rules, i’m not so good at conforming to what i’m expected to do.  So i was thinking about how to play the TBT thing that PK started here.  i like to do those kinds of things because i like to feel like i belong.  And then sometimes i can’t quite figure out how to do it right.

For example, right now.  MP and i have beginnings – they’re in a different blog – and my D/s journey started before i met him and his started before he met me – and we met on Collarme.  So there’s that.

But we never really defined what our D/s thing is.  I’m pretty sure it’s not traditional DD and i’m pretty sure he isn’t going to be a typical HoH.  But he’s busy figuring out for himself what he wants and i don’t know what that’s going to look like.  i’m not worried about it – not today, anyhow – because he’s been talking to me a lot about it already, and i like the things he’s saying.

So this is a new beginning, our story of how we “got started,” starts now.  One thing i know:  there will be spankings.   Really, that’s the only thing i’m completely sure of.  And that’s fine.  There are other things i think are going to happen, but that’s what i know,

It will be interesting to see what happens…

 

Not So Old After All

Apparently, 62 is not too old to feel the tingles and the heat, just from his words.  We went out for dinner last night, and as we talked, i could feel myself coming alive.

Lol, i wrote that and then imagined youall going, “We know, you already told us, coming alive, tingly, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah.”   Fortunately, i remembered that y’all didn’t say anything, those are my own thoughts reflected back at me.  Hmmmmm, i can be kind of mean to myself.

But we went out for dinner last night – MP and i – or maybe i should say he took me out for dinner, because he planned it (and payed) and all that.  It was somewhere we’d never been before and was really good AND he suggested we split a tiramisu for dessert, which totally shocked me, on all kinds of levels.  And he actually ate his half, so woohoo!

He was talking to me about things that he’s learning, and i was getting kind of squirmy listening to him, which made me giggle, which i haven’t done in a long time.

Anyhow.  Some suspense and anticipation building here as he sets the pace, and i begin to feel some familiar submissive urges.   Amazing.

 

 

Connections and Such

Connections was the name of a gay bar in Where-I-Used-to-Live.  The bar is gone, and this post is not about the bar, but I can’t say the word without thinking about the place, a long-standing institution.  Anyhow.  This post is about the other kind of connections – between people, places and things.

I’ve been feeling bad most of this 3-day weekend, which is unfortunate.  I had hoped to get a lot done, and just haven’t.  But we – MP and I – did go out to dinner with an old friend, Ms. Constance and a member of her poly family, Poodles.  If you don’t already know Ms. Constance, you can look at her website and blog, or one of the books she’s written.  She is a grand domme, in every sense of the word.

We had a lovely meal, a view of the sunset, and a great time sharing stories of life changes and plans for the future.  It was the first time in ages that MP and i were around other kinky folks, and we both enjoyed it a lot.  I think Ms. Constance and Poodles did too.

Jade has been checking in with me on how i’m doing with the prospect of new D/s in my future, which is very lovely of her.  (Also, Jade, Ms. Constance said to give you a hug back.)    But we were talking about books, and Jade mentioned one by Raven Kaldera entitled, “Paradigms of Power: Styles of Master/Slave Relationships.”  She generously offered to let me read it from her kindle, but being the control freak that i am when it comes to books, i bought it for my own kindle instead.  (Ok, it was only $3.82 – how could I not buy it??!)

Anyhow, it was super cool to see that Jade and Sir Raven were one of the couples used as an example in the book – AND another blogger i know is also in the book.  You probably know her too, but i guess i’ll let her speak for herself in the comments if she wants to.  In any case, i feel like i’m surrounded by celebrities!

In other news, i was telling MP about a blogger i used to read back when i first started blogging, lo these many years ago.  His blog was one of the first ones i read, along with ‘Nilla, who you might know, and “Sin,” who, sadly, doesn’t blog any more. I also read “Mick”, who was a submissive man, with his wife “Molly,” and “mouse,” with her Master.  Like ‘Nilla, they are still around, which is pretty cool.

My favorite Dom blog was by the Discerning Dom, and it’s long gone now.  He was bright, educated, thoughtful and super hot.  He made me think about things and he totally turned me on.  He was amazing and a great education for my newly submissive self.  i grieved when he quit blogging, and grieved again when he eventually took the blog down.

So I was telling MP about him and googled the name, just for the fun of it, and GUESS WHAT!!!  He made his blog into a book!!  YES!!  Seriously.  It’s called The D/s Blog and is available in paperback and on kindle.   MP is reading it, and also likes it, so that’s very cool.

Hope you’re enjoying the long weekend, if it’s a holiday where you are, and having a lovely Monday if it’s not.

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FFF 5-25

yawn2

Nothing much to see here!  Ho-hum.  My scale hovers between 164 and 165.  I was doing really well with steps for a while there, but the last couple of days I haven’t felt well, and it shows.  Looks like I’m ending up around 45,000, which is under 7,000/day, but not a whole lot under.

We’re making steady progress on house stuff, and will do a big push this weekend, so that’s good.  I was out of town a couple of days this week, and have just not felt great since i got back.  Am thinking i’ll crash when i’m through with my last meeting today.

MP is really following through with the things he said he was going to do, and that’s super cool.

But mostly, i just don’t feel good right now.

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Yikes

Remember when y’all encouraged me to ask for my toys back?  Yeah.

So I did that.  And then it set off a reaction, a chain reaction, and suddenly – like a kaleidoscope – things are different.  With a quick turn of the wheel, from this:

images      to this            images-1

 

 

 

 

 

Just that quickly.

I had kind of forgotten that, a long time ago, back when MP was my Sir, I had given him the passwords to my fetlife profile and my olivia email.  And the link to this blog.  Gulp.

Not that I actually had anything to hide – I have not done anything wrong.  Haven’t done anything that I feel guilty about.

But that might have been hard to believe.  I talked about some stuff, for sure.  And I talked to some people.  And some of the posts I’ve done might have been hard to read.   It might have been a difficult weekend for both of us.  Ok, it was a difficult weekend.

With lots of painful conversation.  And explanations.  And more conversation.

I was really not sure where we were going to land.

But this kind of amazing thing happened.

He understood.

No, not just “he said he did.”  He really did.

He wants to try again with the D/s relationship.  Which would have just made me skeptical, but – he’s going to get some Dom coaching.   (Yes, that’s a thing!)  So that he can work through his own stuff and we’ll have a chance to really make it work.

Wow.  That made me a believer.

I want to respect his privacy, so I’ll stop there, but I think that is sooooo cool, I just about can’t stand it.

Of course, there’s no guarantees on anything and who knows where we’ll end up.  It’s taken me a little while to even begin to let myself be open to the possibilities.  It’s kind of scary – um, I’m a bit scared.

I had shut myself off from him so thoroughly.  To protect myself, you know.  To protect my heart and my submissive little soul.   (Don’t laugh, you know it’s true!)

I didn’t want to open again.  Seriously, I didn’t.

But i am.  I can feel it starting – it makes me think of the scene in The Secret Garden, after she finds the garden when she’s looking at the plants – do you know what I’m talking about?  If you’ve read that book, you might remember.  Of course I don’t have the book with me, but it’s when she’s first in the garden and she sees that flowers are starting to push up through the ground and begins to clear away the weeds that have grown up over them.  And she’s not sure she’s doing the right thing, but just feels like they need room to breathe and grow.  She’s so amazed that the flowers are still there.

I guess it sounds silly, but that’s a little bit how I feel now.  Like i can make space for feelings i’d tried to bury.  Like springtime.

Anyhow.  He’s still MP right now.  Nothing has really changed yet.  But yikes – the possibilities!!!

 

 

FFF – 5-18-18

It’s Friday again – who knew that would happen so quickly?!   My step count is looking good – 48,000 for the week, so that’s super close to my goal of 7,000/day.  Woohoo!!

The house is coming together and we have our first house guests!  They are sleeping in an actual bed in a room that doesn’t look like a warehouse.  It’s not all put together, but it’s close!!  We actually have more guests coming tonight, so we’ll have a full house.  (This falls under the heading of decluttering….)

I MIGHT have lost a pound.  Or maybe it’s just a cruel hoax perpetrated by my scale.  Hard to say.  Stay tuned.

My current guests are up and I have stuff to do getting ready for the incoming guests, so i need to go.  But here’s a quote for you to ponder:

“Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.”
~~ Dorothy Allison

Things have cracked wide open around here, and i don’t know where we’re headed or if we’ll be swallowed by the hole in the ground.  We’ll see…