So this morning, i jumped on the scale and discovered that i was at almost exactly the same weight i was at last week, and possibly the week before that. I’ve been fluctuating by about .4 pounds – point 4, not 4. Today’s number was at the bottom of the range, but still. So, in an inspired moment, i took off the light robe i was wearing and jumped back on, confident the scale would go down another .1 or .2. But —
NO.
It did not go down. It went up .2. UP. Which i thought had to be a mistake. So i tried again. Nope. Same weight.
Sigh.
But, i can’t complain because i’m back to living the sedentary life. About 31,000 steps all week. That’s an average of less than 5,000 a day. Sigh.
And on the plus side, glucose levels are still fine.
I’m getting some boxes unpacked, so that’s good. But i can’t get a whole lot done until my closet is finished, so there’s that.
And really, i’m not caring a whole lot about any of that at the moment. Today i’m taking my cat to be re-homed. I can’t get him to consistently use the litter box. He’s been to the vet, there’s nothing wrong with him, but i can’t take care of him. I’m not going through the whole story here, but trust me, i can’t keep him. And i’m not sure they’ll find him a home – he’s old and i guess i could have had him put to sleep, but i don’t think he’s that bad off.
Anyhow.
I woke up every hour all night long, just feeling sick, but really, i don’t have any reasonable choices. And i could spend all morning here, just kind of repeating over and over that i feel like lowlife scum, but i can’t see a realistic other way to deal with my cat’s issues.
And you know – cause here in this blog is where i get most honest – part of the reason i feel so guilty is because it’s going to be such a relief when i’m not trying to deal with him anymore. Yep. Pond scum, that’s what i am.
Ok. So, in other news, i am on the verge of a new career move, which i’m excited about, when i’m not feeling like pond scum. More later…
Olivia 
Hi Olivia,
Those darn scales do seem to fluctuate. A steady weight is good and that’s good news on the glucose levels. Congratulations on the career move. Sounds exciting!
I’m so very sorry to read about your cat. I feel for you, it’s not an easy decision to have to make. I understand you saying you feel like scum, but you are definitely not scum. Sending lots of big (((hugs))) your way.
Roz
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Thank you, Roz, for the kind comments on my check-in, but also for the hugs and assurances that I’m not actually scum. 🙂 The place I took my poor cat assures me that they won’t have any trouble finding a good home for him, so that made me feel better too. {{hugs}}
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You’ve got an animal you’re no longer able to care for in the way the animal needs and you’re handling the situation in an ethically and morally responsible way.
Do Not make me have to drive to Where You Are and bitch slap you, ok?
(It’s a long trip and my back is acting up…)
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Yeah, thanks, Jz. I was finally kind of getting to that place myself and you that helped snap it in place. And made me laugh. Although, if it would make you drive to Where i Am so you could bitch slap me, i might have to continue to wallow in my pond scum-ness. Then, after the bitch-slapping (which i’m pretty sure would be metaphorical) we could eat many hush puppies. I’m sorry your back’s acting up though. ❤
yY
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I’m so sorry about your kitty. I hope for the best outcome for him. You are doing what is best. A real scum person would just dump him somewhere. You are trying to give him a chance. I’m sure you are heartbroken.
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Thanks, Lea, I’m beginning to feel better about it anyhow, even though it’s really sad not to have him here. Anyhow. Thank you!
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hurray on the new career, and ignore the scales. I’ve done that too. my scale has a half pound fluctuation depending on WHERE I face – so if i turn it to the right, i’m lighter, and to the left, I’m heavier. Staying at a stable weight isn’t the worst thing, and good glucose levels = great news. The cat – better you let him go and see if he can find a new home, than to keep him and NOT be able to cope. I’m hoping he finds a new home that will be able to handle him! Chin up.
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Thanks, Fondles, for all the kind words and support! Yeah, I’ve come to see that with my cat, that it really was the right thing to do. And even though I’d still like to be losing weight – obviously not enough to take more extreme or strenuous measures! If I can figure out what makes my scale fluctuate like that, I would just always turn to the lower weight. Ha. Thanks for the support – as always!!
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I’m very behind on all my peeps blogs, so I’m sorry for the late-to-the-party support.
I had a pair of dogs quite some years ago. They were dogs that I specifically looked for a breeder for, and it took months for them to be bred, born, and able to come home. Unfortunately, when the dogs were about a year old, despite MANY doggie training classes (and by that I mean I spent MONTHS in a variety of classes), they were still rather unmanageable. The breeder had bred to a dog that was closer to the dogs biological roots, and the male in particular was quite challenging. The day he turned on me and attacked me while walking because I tugged his leash to come to heel (and I am a good dog momma, and did NOT in any way harm him, he just wanted to do what he wanted to do). He bit me pretty good (bad?) and we decided to rehome him to his breeder. (He was eventually put down because of increasing violence).
We kept the female, but she would not consistently pee outside. When we were expecting a baby, I finally broke. After 8 years, I had had enough of cleaning dog pee out of my carpets. I rehomed her, though she was elderly, to a retired couple who had lots of outdoor space and a few other older dogs. As far as I know, she spent her remaining years in happiness.
We have to make these difficult choices sometimes. There is a limit to what we can take. I fully support your decision, even while I understand the heart-heaviness you feel about having to do this. Sometimes, enough is enough and we really can’t stand it anymore. You’re human and you’ll feel relief when it’s done (and yes, guilt too, because I know you and I have walked in the same shoes…).
Sending hugs and love that things work out for you, for the cat, and for your peace of mind.
Love,
nilla
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Thank you for sharing that story, ‘Nilla, that’s really helpful to know. It does help to think that things will be ok for my cat, and I’m glad it worked out for your dog!!
Thanks for the hugs and love. ❤
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If it helps…I felt guilty for a long time. Even knowing that she lived out the rest of her life in a happy place…I felt like a quitter. Until they sent a letter telling us how happy she was once she made the adjustment, and how much the other dogs there loved her. It really made my stress go away to not have her peeing in the house all the danged time. It was a total win-win…despite my guilt-and my guilt at feeling free from it all. 😀
n
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Um, no. ‘Nilla, you know i love you dearly and you are the sister of my heart. But that actually makes me feel worse, because I have pretty much already gotten over it. I have not been feeling guilty about being free of trying to clean up after him right away and worry about where he’s peeing now. He’s been adopted, and that’s all good. But your comment makes me feel like I should be feeling guilty. And I don’t I miss him sometimes, but have not been feeling guilty. Til i saw this comment. Rofl at the irony of it all. HOWEVER, I am feeling better again now. So it’s all good. Hugs and love…
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oh noooo…I suck at being a supportive friend ! Go forth and do not feel guilty. “should” feel anything is anathema…you feel what you feel and that’s good. A wise friend named Olivia once told me that, btw.
Love you!
nilla
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Lol, you don’t – it cracked me up!! Love you!!
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Hi Olivia. Oh those darn scales they are sure frustrating. Think its best to ignore them and just go off how well your clothes fit you or take measurements instead. Good luck with your kitty being rehomed and no you are not pond scum at all. Sometimes these things just need to be done,
Hugs Lindy xx
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Thanks, Lindy – you’re right about the scales for sure!! And thanks for not thinking I’m pond scum. 🙂 You’re right. I did what needed to be done. Hugs…
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