FFF 2-16: It’s Official…

/ olivia

i am officially diabetic.  Or, as I pointed out to the somewhat officious nurse practitioner who broke the news to me, i am “a person with diabetes.” That is the more person-centered language that’s preferred in health care these days.  This was after I heard her tell someone down the hall that she had “a raging diabetic” in her office.  Not raging in the sense of angry, apparently she was trying to impress on the other person just HOW egregious it was that the pharmacy had FAILED to give me a glucometer.

I thought “raging?”  Not really.  But definitely in the “over the line” category.

You know, it’s not like i didn’t know this could happen.  I’ve been “borderline” for a long time, and even inched over but was able to talk my way into deferring any action.  Like, you know, medication.  But they kept wanting me to cut sweets and carbs and exercise more and… you know.  Here i am.

CW:  I am about to talk about people with diabetes and it won’t always be very nice.  Feel free to skip to the end.

I grew up with grandparents who had diabetes, late onset, type II.  A minor refrain of “Ohhhh, I shouldn’t have any of that cake – – – –  ok, just give me a tiny piece,” ran through my childhood.  It didn’t stop them from eating a little pasta or enjoying their lives.

But for some reason, i hated it when they talked about their “sugar.”  “You know, I got to watch my sugar.”  “I think my sugar’s up.”  “I think my sugar’s down.”  I don’t know why that icked me out, but it did.

After my first divorce, i was in a relationship with someone who had “that blood sugar.”  He was about 15 years older than me, thin and wiry, but he was always talking about “I better eat ,” “I better not eat,” “I gotta watch my blood sugar.”   And pricking his finger to test his level about 12 times a day.

i mean, honestly, i didn’t mind when we were still having great sex, he could have talked about his blood sugar all day long.  But once that was a faint memory, it grated on my nerves.  It didn’t help that he blamed his lack of performance on his diabetes, when in reality he was burning out his aged libido fucking some little tootsie where he worked.  (Ooooooh, still a bit bitter i see.  Hmmm, and i thought i was truly over that.  Sorry.)

Anyhow.  Breathing…

The thing that irritated me the most was when he (ok, he had a name – we’ll call him Tom) would talk about how he better not do something because of his blood sugar.  He’d prick his finger and carefully insert the slightly bloody strip into the machine and then annouce with due gravity, “No,” shaking his head woefully, “No, I better not go, my blood sugar’s up.  I mean it’s not dangerous – yet – but I better stay here.”

“What is it?” I’d ask anxiously.  “How high is it?”

“It’s 190,” he might say, “and even though I ate about an hour ago, still, it should be a lot lower than that.”

It got so bad that I’d google the level he told me, just to see if he was likely to die or not.  I won’t make any harsh judgements here, right?  But i assure you, he is still alive and well, married to his tootsie in another state.  Living happily ever after, I mostly hope.

But – back to me – today, when the nurse showed me how to check myself.  It was 178 and she tsked and frowned just enough to let me know this wasn’t good.  But when I looked at her stupid chart?  They want me to be under 180 an hour or two after meals.  Which I WAS.  So please do not act like i’ve just busted the bank for high blood sugar.

She assured me I could still go out to eat.  Seriously.  And I was very good, I just nodded and said, “Ok, good to know.”

i have to keep frigging records – every day – and i have to bring them back to her in two weeks so she can look at them and tell me if I have to test more often.  You all.  I’m at the doctor every damn week, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week.  That’s ridiculous.  i feel like my health is being held hostage.

Ok, i know it’s my own fault, for my own good, blah, blah, blah.  I know i’m still pretty lucky in most ways, and I’m sure it will be worse before i actually die.  I know it’s not too late to make a difference.  If you are tempted to lecture or preach in your comment, please resist.  Comments with the theme “poor baby” will be most appreciated.

And here, for your entertainment, are a couple of images from google – with the prompt “raging diabetic.”

 

Right – the A in Diabetic is a pizza, I’m pretty sure the E is candy.  And the quote?

The three toughest fighters I ever fought were Sugar Ray Robinson, Sugar Ray Robinson, and Sugar Ray Robinson.  I fought Sugar so many times, I’m surprised I’m not diabetic. 

– Jake LaMotta

And yes.  This means i have to do better at FFF.  i already know, thanks.  🙂

 

27 thoughts on “FFF 2-16: It’s Official…”

  1. It’s too bad diabetes can’t be helped by cutting down on liver or vegetables. Dr: “Sorry, you’ll need to cut back on beets and salad a bit from now on”. Me: “YES Ma’m, no beets, only a small treat salad. Ha, who am I kidding, no salad.”

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Guess what. Three months ago my favorite friend at work got the same diagnosis. We go to lunch every day (even when I’m down, she’ll come over with food) so we looked up all the things she could eat and now know how to order at restaurants, etc. Anyway, she started taking walks (15 minutes) after each meal and she agreed to go on the meds for a bit. Three months ago my favorite friend at work got the same diagnosis. YESTERDAY, my friend went for her follow up. She is feeling better, has more energy, and is 17 pounds lighter and IT HAS REVERSED! Screw how other people make you feel about it all. You decide what’s important for you and we will all support you getting there.
    Amy

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. That’s a wonderful story to share! Thank you so much! I think this medication is going to be helpful. I’m already feeling less urge to overeat so that’s way cool Thanks again!!

    Like

    Reply

  9. Stay positive. I think the FFF will help us all with our health issues. Maybe do what Amy suggested by walking 15 minutes after a meals. Anything is worth a try. Good luck!
    Lindy

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. ok, first, poor baby. but 2nd, now that that’s out of the way – if it aint that high it means you shouldn’t give in to it and work to reverse it. i can imagine (and do see) many patients give up cos it’s just too high, but u have a really good chance of reversing it. do the research. check out high and low GI foods cos that’s more imptt than whether something is starchy or not.

    good luck. now get out there and hit this damned thing with a bat!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Yep, thanks for the “poor baby.” Always appreciated. It does look like it’s low enough that I might be able to reverse, which would be nice. Yeah, it’s good to know that I already like a lot of the foods that are low GI – the problem has never been that I don’t eat healthy – for the most part, I do. It’s the binging on high carb/sweet/salty food inbetween that’s been the problem. So if I can not do that, it will really help. Actually, I’m already weighing a couple of pounds lighter! Thanks!!

      Like

      Reply

  11. Goodness! A *raging* person with diabetes? I mean-good grief could they be more dramatic? I understand-I think-about the way people with diabetes will show their ass or disinterest in life-and point to a number to make it all forgiven. You are not that person. You can still have control over it. The medicine wheel is an exacting, daunting, frightening thing to feel stuck on. I just want to wrap my arms around you and give you a bag of sugar free gummy bears because sometimes you just have to bite the head off of something. Gummy bears are always happy to oblige. Xoxo and more xoxo

    Like

    Reply

  14. OH…Poor Baby….now that is our of the way..while you are eating those veggies and taking those walks..you will be getting healthier in many ways…I know it sucks to hear the diagnosis…but you can do this.
    hugs abby

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. Olivia, I’m just seeing this now and I’m sorry.
    I know what it’s like to ha e to change your diet. I found out a year ago that I ha e Celiac disease. It’s not an easy thing to deal with.
    I can relate to feeling like your health is held hostage.
    On the plus side though, having these limitations to my diet does in a way help me lose weight. I know if I eat certain things I won’t feel well so they are automatically out of the question for me.
    Big Hugs,
    Jlynne

    Like

    Reply

    • Thanks so much Jlynne for the support. Celiac disease would also be really rough! It’s good to hear that you’re coping with it. I’m seeing what you mean about he plus side of it though – I’m already doing much better with diet and exercise! I guess it had to get serious before I was ready to pay attention. Thanks again for the support!

      Like

      Reply

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.