A Moment of Sadness

I’ve been continuing to chat with this other guy from Fet who is clearly not my cup of tea, but a nice enough guy.  He’s the kind of guy that when I told him I had a cold and was losing my voice said something about oh, at least I wouldn’t be able to use my safe word.  Ok, haha, whatever.

So we’ve been emailing back and forth when we’re not busy – we both work from home, on computers, so there’s time.  Tonight he asked about my voice and I said it was gone – well, maybe 90% gone.

There’s a pause, and then he emails back, “Is your partner happy?”  And for a moment, I’m confused.  Like why wouldn’t he be happy?  Or why would he be happy?  Or – oh, wait, I get it.

Ha.   Ha.   Ha.

He meant because I’d lost my voice.  He was thinking that MP would be happy because he wouldn’t have to listen to me.  Kidding about it, right?

But it’s a meanness.

And for a minute, i imagine living in that world.  Where women are bitches and men are assholes.  Where women nag and have to be kept in their place – not in a consensual way.  i feel a huge rush of sadness, because i remember what it was like back when i kind of lived in that world.  And then relief  – and gratitude that i don’t live in that world now.

The Fantasy Begins

It’s not Story of O, i remind myself.  You’re not getting dropped off at the door, stripped of underwear, handed over to people who will take your clothes away.  You’ve already gotten yourself waxed, pussy, legs and underarms are all hair free zones.  All you have to do is check into your hotel, get ready, and go over to the – to the place.  The club.

i review my clothes.  Leggings.  Push up bra.  And a top with a bit of cleavage that almost makes me look like i’m not fat.  Oh, underwear that matches the bra.  Check.  I’ve got all of that.  Shoes are a problem, i just can’t do heels anymore.  A little ballet slipper type will have to do.

My heart is pounding just thinking about this.  i must be out of my mind. A stranger.  On the internet.  At a BDSM club.  Who would believe it?  At 61, you’d think I’d know better. Oh my goodness, this is ridiculous – what am i thinking?

I’m feeling quite prudent as i semi-scold myself, and then I giggle – that’s such a pretense.  I’ve done much wilder things and don’t regret a minute of it. As long as El doesn’t turn out to be an ax murderer, i’ll be fine.

I’m feeling pretty nonchalant as i pull into the parking garage of the hotel, as if i make arrangements to play at a BDSM club all the time, until i hear the buzz of my phone.  Glancing down, i see it’s El.

When you get to your room take off your clothes.  Then text me.

My heart’s fluttery, butterflies in my stomach – ok.  i can do this.  i text him back


His response is so quick i think he must have had it ready.

Olivia.  Starting now, you can call me Sir.

i feel a shift in my body.  It’s beginning to feel real.  i’m going to let this man spank me.  Maybe blindfold me.  Play with me.  i get a flash of an image, my pants down, bent over…

I realize i’m standing still beside my car, looking at my phone.  i text back quickly

Yes, Sir

And his response is so predictable, i should have laughed, but instead, i smile and feel a little glow of warmth. His text says

Good girl





Fantasy Abounds

He sent me a list of his toys.

He = OG.  Toys = belts and floggers and paddles and crops.  A cane – not rattan but fiberglass.  All the expected props – collars and cuffs, ball gags and butt plugs, oh, my.

He likes the same (kinky) books I like.  Not that he agreed with books I said i liked.  No,  he told me – volunteered – that he likes Cherise Sinclair.  He likes her Shadowland series.  i love those books.

You know what that means, right?  It means he likes at least some of the same Fantasy elements i like.

i think it’s possible that this might really happen.

i have some dilemmas to work out.  Fuck.  Nothing’s easy.

But still.  I think OG might be an actual person who knows about being dominant.  Wow.  This could really happen.

I’ve been fretting a bit (because i’m a natural worrier) about how/where we could do this.  He lives about 3 hours away from me, so we can’t do coffee and see where it goes.  He mentioned maybe visiting Where-i-Live for a weekend, but even then – hotel room?  What if we get too loud?  What if he’s actually a serial killer – or you know, a terrible person who will actually harm me?

And then it occurs to me – we should go to an event and meet up there!  There’s a town that’s a couple of hours away from me that has a very active scene, and that place is only a couple of hours away for him too – how cool is that???  I haven’t mentioned this to him, and guess I will wait a bit before i do, but I think it’s a real solution.

So yesterday, i was driving along thinking about what it might be like with OG and i got so turned on, i almost had to pull over and, you know, take care of myself.  Maybe i’m not too old for this after all!



Ridiculously Excited


So i’ve been chatting with some people on fet.  The one I told you about – Jay – is still around.  Young guy – the 26 year old – has drifted away, which is good.  There’s someone my age who might be fun, we’ll see. He went to a munch last night, so at least he’s interested in exploring.  Then there’s the old guy, I think I mentioned him before.


OG, the old guy, started off talking about kinky books with me, which, really, how cool is that?  So we’ve chatted for a bit, and i end up explaining what the story is with My Partner.  I always feel bad about that – like I’ve violated his confidence and shouldn’t talk about him having health issues and not being into BDSM anymore.  But he does, and he isn’t, and if those things weren’t true, i probably wouldn’t be talking to strangers on fet in the first place.


i always try to be considerate when i talk about MP and why i’m looking for some kinky fun on fet and usually people just say they’re sorry he has health issues, or they don’t address that at all.  I often feel like there should be a soundtrack with “Ruby, Don’t Take You Love to Town,” playing in the background.

So I was explaining about us getting along real (MP and I) except that, well, it’s a platonic relationship, and OG says:

He sounds like a lucky guy.

i was just taken aback for a second and then i almost cried because that was so nice to hear.

Then he says:

“If you would like a BDSM session some time without any sex I could be persuaded to do it.”

And i thought, “SWEET!”  And then, “YES!”  And then, “Hold on, Missy, don’t you jump into anything, you don’t know this person, blah, blah, blah.”  So we’re talking about the possibility.  And that’s where the ridiculous excitement comes in.  I can picture it…



Finding the Space

The space inside me

– you know –

the part of me that loves

that feeling of slipping down into submission…

sometimes I feel like i’m losing that connection.

When i feel that way,

i stop

i get very still.

i have to search inside myself and

find that small space where

all my i’s are lower case

and his whim is my command.

Where pleasing is the goal

and pleasure merges with pain

until whimpers and moans

are all i have to give.




Fetlife Story #3,965

Ok, that might be an exaggeration, maybe I haven’t actually told that many fetlife stories.  That’s the “feels like” number.  But I just want to bring you up-to-date.

I’m still chatting with the man who’s not really a Dom, just another pretty nice guy.  We’re in that phase where he still thinks I’m going to change my mind and get intimate with him (aka fuck him) while I’m 99% sure I’m not going to.  But it’s nice to have someone to talk to.

Why is it nice?  Hmmmm, that’s a good question.  It’s not like I don’t have people around me to talk to.  I do.   I started to say that they take me for granted, but that’s not really true.  Then I thought, well, they really just want to talk about what’s going on with them, but that’s not completely true either.  I’m the one who’s not sharing much.

Then I thought, well, it’s because they – my real life people – want things from me, they have lots of expectations for what I’m going to do.  Only that’s not fair – I mean, I have expectations for them too.  And it’s not like he doesn’t want something from me, Mr. Fetlife Guy.  He does.

Is it just the novelty?  Maybe.  Well, that and a little bit of all those other things I said.  He – let’s call him Jay – Jay doesn’t have a bunch of preconceived notions of who I am.  Well, wait, he probably does, but I don’t know what they are – is that the difference?

Anyhow, for whatever it’s worth, we’re chatting – via email – and I’m enjoying it.

In other kind-of-news, I’ve been chatting with someone else who seems to at least actually be interested in BDSM activity.  Woohoo!  He’s an old guy, almost 15 years older than I am, but that’s ok.  In this case, it’s nice to talk to someone who likes to spank and maybe do some other things too.  He lives about 3 hours away, which is too far, for real, but that’s ok too.  Maybe a cyber relationship would do it for me.

Happy news today – Abby at Finally Finding Me is back!  She had been mia since September, so it’s nice to see her back.   It did make me start thinking about what would happen if something happened to me.

I have enough friends that know me in real life that someone would come leave a comment.  So I don’t really have to worry about that, I guess.  Have those of you who blog made arrangements for what would happen to your blog if – you know – you were no longer able to keep it going?  Just curious…

Great Online Cookie Exchange Extravaganza of 2017!

This is the 8th annual cookie exchange.  On-line cookie exchange.  Much more than cookies, of course.  Thank you, thank you, Jz, for hosting this!!!  When you get through looking at my recipe, be sure to go visit everyone else.  Scroll to the end for the links.

You can always count on my recipes to be simple, because I’m not much of a cook.  Or baker.  But they’re delicious recipes, of course, because I do have good taste buds.  So this year’s treat is a perennial favorite at my house.


No, not you.  Bark is the name of the chocolate deliciousness. I used to make lots of this because it’s so easy and so good.


Really, you just melt some chocolate (chips melt well, use good chocolate for better results.)  Melt it in the microwave, line a pan or flat plate with parchment paper or wax paper, spread the melted chocolate on it.  Then you take some nuts or candy or whatever yumminess you like with your chocolate.

Break up the nuts or candy into pieces. Sprinkle it on top of the chocolate while it’s still warm.  Refrigerate for a couple of hours, break it into pieces and poof!  Like magic, it’s ready to eat.

But here’s an official recipe (with my notes):  Or you can skip the recipe and scroll to the end for other blogger links.

  1. Line a 10×15-inch pan or cookie sheet with wax paper (or parchment paper.)
  2. Place chocolate chips in a microwave safe bowl. I like to use a disposable paper bowl or re-usable plastic container for best results. (I don’t use plastic in the microwave.  I prefer a glass mixing bowl. And I only do about half a bag of chips at a time. And the chocolate chips should be good chocolate.  It can be white chocolate or milk chocolate or dark chocolate.  I’m partial to the semi-sweet dark, like you use for cookies  But high quality chocolate.)
  3. Add shortening or oil.  (I don’t use shortening or oil.  Just chocolate.)
  4. Heat chocolate chips on 50% power in 30 second increments, stirring between each, until melted and smooth. (I start the microwave process at 1 minute, then go to 30 second intervals.  Take your time stirring in between.)
  5. Spread chocolate into an even layer on the prepared pan. Top with desired toppings. (Topping can be crushed or broken into pieces.  I like to put them in a plastic bag and beat on them with a small hammer.  Or the wooden end of a knife.  Use a towel to wrap around the sharp end of the knife so you don’t cut yourself.  You can also mix the toppings into the chocolate instead.)
  6. Chill to set then break into pieces.
  7. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for 4 days to 2 weeks (depending on the toppings you use; candy toppings last longer than pretzels or cookies, which tend to get stale).  (If you store them in an airtight tin, they don’t need to be refrigerated.  At least, I don’t keep mine in the frig, and it’s been fine.  Unless your toppings need refrigeration.)

And here are some variations you can try:

PEPPERMINT WHITE CHOCOLATE BARK: Sprinkle chopped candy canes or peppermint crunch over melted white chocolate.

M&M CHOCOLATE BARK: Sprinkle holiday or any flavor M&Ms over melted white or regular chocolate.

MILK & COOKIES BARK: Sprinkle chopped chocolate chip cookies and/or Oreos over melted white chocolate.

PEANUT BUTTER CUP BARK: Sprinkle chopped peanut butter cups over melted milk or semi-sweet chocolate.

CARAMEL PRETZEL BARK: Sprinkle chopped pretzels and Rolos over milk or semi-sweet chocolate.

ALMOND TOFFEE BARK: Sprinkle almonds, toffee bits, and cocoa nibs over dark chocolate.

Enjoy!  Now you can go check out some other blogger’s goodies.  And let the season begin!




Bogey and Bacall










Mrs. Fever

Ms Dixie Wrecked





selkie (recipe here)