This is not news to me:

“Repressed and suppressed feelings require counter-energy to keep them submerged. It takes energy to hold down our feelings. As these feelings are relinquished, the energy that had been holding down the negativity is now freed for constructive uses.”
― David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

Neither is this:

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. (10)”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times

So it’s unfortunate that i’m not enlightened and mindful all the time, or in touch with my feelings all the time.  i’d like to be like this:

And actually, I’m like this:

Confused

Sleepy

Cranky and stressed

Overwhelmed and broken

That’s ok.  It’s time to let go of my attachment to the idea of being some kind of frigging zen guru.

It’s ok.