Wrong Turn

/ olivia

It seems like I am living my life on other people’s agendas.  And making the wrong decision every time I hit a fork in the road.

IMG_0031Not that there have been any disastrous consequences, just not ever quite flowing.

Example – yesterday, i planned to get my nails done.  Instead, i piddled around making sure everybody else was able to do their things and ended up being too late.  Then, we had made arrangements for dinner that i was not thrilled with, but it was an opportunity for one family member – we’ll call him Young Son – to see some Other Family Members  (OFMs) – so i said sure, and arranged for the other members to be there.  Young Son cancels at, literally, the last minute.  So OFMs end up having dinner out with us, even though we see each other ALL the time and would have been fine not doing dinner together.

Ok.  Great.  Now YS wants to have dinner tonight. I know I need a night to rest and recuperate before we head out (probably) tomorrow.  And i want to see YS. I’m pretty sure i’m going to regret whichever decision i make.  Seriously.

Omg, such first world problems.  Really, i can’t even stand myself today.  Hope y’all are doing better.

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14 thoughts on “Wrong Turn”

  1. When did you become responsible for all of this stuff? Sounds like YS needs to be more careful about his actions, and if he spent the time getting everyone together then he would not have canceled bc it would have been his time and effort that went into the evening. My wish is that you get your nails done, take a long nap, and decide what you want to do after that. I wish that we could charge people for emotional work when it’s just expected that we will be doing it all. You just went through something pretty stressful and don’t know what you are going back to-so your needs here really matter. ❤️

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  2. Okay I’m just brainstorming here but why can’t YS bring you guys dessert after the big meal is over? You get to see him and get quiet time too. Or if that won’t work, why can’t you meet up for lunch together and still have your quiet time? Seems like you could come up with a few options that work for you. You can always invite YS to come spend a weekend with you guys later.

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      • You are an introvert and-in my opinion anyhow-an empath. Needing quiet and alone time is perfectly valid. I know you know what you need to do to take care of yourself. I hope it involves purple toenails 😈

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      • There is no quiet and alone time. If it’s not the little ones, it’s MP who then needs to talk non-stop because I’ve been busy with everyone else. And when it’s not them it’s work. Yes, I need to run away.

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      • I hope you are running away to a spa retreat where you get massages and purple toenails and quiet. I notice that my body ends up forcing me down if I don’t get enough rest. I seriously do understand MPs needs but I have a hard time giving it a pass because he is capable of giving you quiet time, knowing that little children are not. I do this a few days a week for SR. She came home from a meeting yesterday and I fed her, serving her wine and food in the bedroom alone. When I came in to get my book, she invited me to read in there with her, but I just said that I know she needs total calm and space before a super busy week ahead and I would not be back except to check on her several times. Its like anything else and feels normal in time. His needs are valid too but not more important than yours. I’m seriously wishing you would just spend 24 hours in a spa hotel. Bucket list? 😊

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      • Sure, I’ll put it on my bucket list. 🙂 For what it’s worth, please notice that I am playing yes, but with you today. YOu know, you say something and I say, “yes, but…” and explain why it won’t work or doesn’t apply or doesn’t help. Here’s a great example. MP told me he was going out for breakfast this morning. It’s almost 2 p.m. now. Am I pleased that I’ve had this quiet alone time?? No. I”m irritated because he didn’t TELL me he was going to be gone so long and what if I needed the car???? Rofl. I think I just need to bitch.

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      • I think you just went through a highly stressful situation and have not had what you needed to feel whole for too long. You were already at a deficit before a big stressful event and then didn’t have much control over your environment for days. It makes sense to me that you may be unable to adapt to inconsiderate behaviors right now. Be gentle with yourself okay? ❤️

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      • Somewhere inside you is a little girl who has been neglected and has every reason to stomp her feet now and then. I don’t care how much you need to grump right now and I wish I could take you for treats. I can’t give you what you really need but I think you getting a massage and a mani pedi would at least give you some form of pleasure in your body and a reason to get out of your head and back into your body. I also think that you are having empathy overload and that makes it really hard to stay in the body and ground yourself. You need to ground to be able to handle the empathic stuff happening. You noted this yourself when you were aware that you were feeling exhausted from the emotions around you. I miss being able to walk barefoot on the grass and lay down with my womb to the earth when I feel like that. While you are still on non soggy ground it may be a good thing to try? Many hugs. And another cuddle for little Olivia too. ❤️

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      • I know that. If I could, I’d spread a blanket in the grass, light incense, make a circle of tea candles around us, hand you a mug of tea and just sit with you until you were ready to go back inside to a candlelit hot bath and then bed to rest and journal. Then, later, I’d remind you of what I said before while you were sleeping. I used to do that to my children, whisper to their souls what I really needed them to know.

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