The Best part of a rainy day and A Simple Pleasure

/ olivia

The best part of a rainy day…

… is not having to go out in it, staying dry and cozy at home, maybe watching the rain fall outside, hearing it hit the roof…

A Simple Pleasure…

… is taking my bra off at the end of the day.  And my shoes.  And my pants.  And putting on an oversize t-shirt and stretchy capri leggings.  Yep.

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i’m trying again to start a new relationship with my body.   One that involves listening to what it needs rather than giving it what i’m in the habit of giving.  We’ll see how that goes.

i have forgotten what it feels like to be touched with passion or desire.  My body doesn’t remember anymore.  It seems unlikely that will change.   i believe that no one will ever want to touch me again.

And – that may be true.  Not necessarily true, but it might be.  But it’s probably more about me not feeling desirable than anything else.

Reading this post from The Nerdy Nonconformist entitled Fat and Fuckin’. made me feel more hopeful.  My favorite part is this:

“I need you to realize that “normal” people want to have casual sex,  intimate relationships, and do nasty-freaky-naughty things with us on a regular basis. I need you to realize that men (and women) make passes at us. Call us beautiful.  Rub our stomachs, outline our stretch marks with their tongues, and hold on to us as if we are the sexiest thing in the world.” 

But if i don’t start exercising regularly, my body is going to get so stiff and out of shape that i won’t be able to walk.  Or fuck.  So wish me luck as i head down this path – again…

 

7 thoughts on “The Best part of a rainy day and A Simple Pleasure”

  2. Oh I so identify with that simple pleasure…I had forgotten ( now that I am retired), how wonderful that can feel. And…I started on this body journey, and with a lot of stops and goes, successes and not so much, I am feeling much better….You can do this!!!
    hugs abby

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  3. You’ve got this Olivia! I’m a big girl, always have been, but last May I was where you are and I was in pain (physically AND mentally). I’m down 50 pounds an already feel better. I’ve given myself permission to have that “unhealthy” relationship with the scale because seeing those numbers go down is what encourages me. Find what encourages YOU and just keep doing it. You’ll be so glad you did.

    I like the except you quoted. Not everyone looks at us and sees a big girl. I think the most important thing is being confident enough in your skin to put yourself out there. We’re women, if want to be wanted, there will be some one who wants us.

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    • Thanks for the encouragement and for sharing your experience! Yeah i think i will be glad i did…
      And yeah, you might be right about the being wanted thing… i guess we’ll see.

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  4. Two things have helped me in the same situation so I’m sharing just in case it helps you. I take sexy photos of myself. Once in a while, I send one to SR. Mostly I keep them for myself bc it helps me to look objectively and see beauty. I’ve changed my focus from walking for weight loss to walking for mental health. That is just as valid a reason to exercise and takes me out of a negative body stance. I walked ten miles last week which is a start. You know you aren’t big right? Or that you have a beautiful smile, warm energy, brilliant mind, and sense of humor that anyone would be attracted to? The passion stuff is about him-not you. ❤️

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