The thing that gives me hope is –
i don’t know. i don’t really think in those terms anymore.
It’s not that i don’t have hope – i am basically an optimistic person, and i’ve been through enough hard times to know that things generally get better. The problems that may have seemed unsurmountable at one time aren’t the same problems i’m facing today. Those problems have been resolved in one way or another and i’m not still dealing with them.
The “problems” i have today just seem like part of how life is. Like i used to see problems as anomalies, and now they’re just part of the normal flow of life. Sometimes there’s suffering attached to the problem, sometimes i can just accept it and let it be. i don’t have to be miserable – or i don’t have to hold on to the misery until i can solve the problem.
Does that make sense?
So i may feel hopeless about some things, but i also know that things can change in a heartbeat. One minute you think that’s just the way it’s gonna be forever, and the next thing you know, it’s shifted, like one of those kaleidoscopes that we used to have when i was a kid.
i do feel really sad and miserable sometimes, but i’m pretty lucky in so many ways. And i have so many resources, and so much support, that i can often change things when i’m miserable about the way they are.
A Minor roadblock in my life…
I don’t know how to answer this. i’ve been sitting with it all day, but i just don’t know. There are things i want to do, and there are things that need to be done before i can do them. But i don’t think about them as roadblocks.
There are lots of times when things don’t go the way i originally imagined them. But i think of them as more like a twist in the path than a block that i’m going to go over or get through.
i feel like i’m missing something here, with this roadblock image. Thinking…
Ok, here’s a minor roadblock in my life. i have a piece of furniture i want to move. i can’t find my furniture moving things – you know, the pieces you put under the furniture so you can just slide it? Had them the other night. Ended up not using them. Didn’t put them back where they belonged. Can’t find them anywhere.
That’s a minor roadblock.
Do i keep looking? Forever? (i am convinced that there’s a black hole in my house where things like that go, and that they’ll stay gone until the black hole spits them back out, usually when you no longer need them.)
Do i drag the piece without the pads and risk damaging my wood floor?
Can i slide it onto my little rug and pull it that way, or will that tear up the rug?
Do i wait until i can get someone to help me move it?
i’m pretty sure i’m just going to ponder it for a while longer. And keep looking for the furniture moving thing-y’s. We’ll see.