i want to try…
finishing the things i start.
Little things – making sure the last dish is in the washer, the pans washed and put away, the table and the counters wiped.
The laundry washed, dried, and put away – the whole load, even the last pillowcase or wash cloth.
Cooking all the food i buy – the green beans and cauliflower AND the corn from the farmers’ market.
Then maybe the big things will follow.
Maybe i can try writing a little bit on my book every day instead of waiting til i’m inspired.
On a whole different note, we have not yet made arrangements to have lunch with RS. i feel like i’m too old, too fat, too ugly to do it. i mean, not to have lunch, i can have lunch, the rest of it, maybe having play time together. Yeah. In my head i know it’s maybe not quite true, but i’m really feeling it.
i haven’t told MP i feel that way, and of course not RS. And i’m not telling you so you can try to talk me out of it, or try to make me feel better.
Funny, isn’t it, that i was laughing about being ageist, but i guess i really am.
i want to tell MP and i want him to say, “Oh, no, that’s not true, i think you’re beautiful.” But he won’t say that. He’ll more likely say, “Well, you know, we’re not young anymore,” and, “Nobody looks like a twenty year old at our age.”which is true, but not the same thing at all. He already told RS that “neither one of us would win any beauty contests.” Which is also true, and kind of makes me laugh, and i certainly can’t dispute it. But still.
If i tell him how i feel, he might say, “We don’t have to do this, you know.” So maybe i don’t even want to do it.
Sigh.
i don’t have anything cute to wear to lunch anyhow.
Olivia 
why don’t you just arrange lunch and see if there’s any desire once it’s happening? And you do have things to wear. Consult with MP in this, on what to wear to showcase your assets. Try it.
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Thanks, girl, that’s actually good advice, and i might even do that. Although i don’t know that MP will be that helpful clothes-wise. But it’s worth a shot. 🙂
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Maddening how we do that to ourselves, isn’t it? Assuming that *we* will be the ones lacking hotness, not the other person. Yet, who knows? You may find it’s RS that’s too old, fat, and unattractive – not you at all!
It’s hard, tho’, I know.
Hell, I’m still working on not apologizing to BG for how I look, so yeah. I get it.
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It is absolutely maddening. Yes. And you’re right. It won’t hurt to meet him. But I appreciate that you get it
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Oh my stars, I would LOVE to try to finish things I start.
As far as meeting RS, I get it, it’s hard to step out of that comfort zone. SO hard. But where would we be if we didn’t? I know i wouldn’t have me Sir and would still be in a failing marriage… I hope you give it a go and see what the vibes feel like. If you’re not compatible, well it was just lunch.
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You’re right. It’s just lunch. i can do this.
Thanks. 🙂
i’ll let you know how it goes with my efforts to finish things. So far, i’ve made some progress, but still not very consistent (not surprising right?)
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It sounds like you need some special i-feel-sexy shoes especially for new lunches, new experiences. We live in a culture that allows a limited view of beauty and youth, but for the record-i think you are beautiful, inside and out. i think take it one step at a time, in new shoes. 😀
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Thank you, jade, that’s so sweet of you. And you’re right – i do need new shoes!! i see a shopping trip in my near future…
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