Belated Sunday Check-in

i am still here – doing house things.  Downsizing my stuff.  Pushing us forward on the path of getting ready to sell the house. No exciting developments from fetlife – or real life, for that matter.  And that’s ok.  i’m in a phase of transition anyhow.

Still not losing weight, not working on my book, and not writing faithfully here every day.

“[I]t’s the child writer who has figured out, early on, that writing is about saving your soul.”

          — Betsy Lerner, The Forest for the Trees

i could barely write when i started writing., and writing has saved my soul many times.

i am doing a bit better with mindfulness practice, but incrementally better, not in a way that feels life altering.  Still better at preaching than practicing.

Sigh.  It’s ok.  i’m ok.  If i still have this fantasy that a Dom could push my boundaries, could help me fly a little higher, i recognize that it’s not likely.  Even when we find a Dom for me (and notice that i say “when,” not “if,”)  but even then i don’t think he’ll serve that purpose.  (Oooh, notice the “serve” part – so really i just want a Dom for my own purposes?  Yeah, maybe.  No, that’s not really accurate, you know, it’s that mutuality that makes it work.)

Anyhow.  i read some new books this weekend, and i have some thoughts about my most recent conversations with Burford to write about, so i imagine i’ll be around this week.   Here’s a quote to take with you.

“Your genuine happiness does not come from other people, activities or things, it comes from living a meaningful life – a life that is in alignment with your values and is beneficial.”
― John Bruna



Phallic Symbols

i have some fascination with cock worship, both as a practice and as an academic topic.  There’s some really interesting material about cock worship as a religious practice in this article in Cracked, and maybe i’ll talk more about that another time.

But today, all of that is just to serve as lead in to this picture that crossed my FB feed recently.  (Yes, i have very interesting FB friends!)


(Picture is of a tree trunk in standing water, it looks like a man’s upper thighs and pelvic area, complete with a very realistic looking cock.) 

Isn’t that great?  On that note, hope you’re having a lovely Friday…

And here’s the link, in case it doesn’t work wehre I linked to it above:

The Fair

i went to the fair yesterday.  By myself, so there was time and space for about 5o years of memories of the fair.

Early in the day, i saw a number of people carrying around yardsticks.  It made me smile, remembering the time, probably 6 or 7 years ago now, that a Dom i was seeing tasked me with getting a yard stick at the fair.  There was no doubt about what he intended to do with the yardstick.

i remember my intense awareness of the need to find a yardstick without alerting my sister to the reason behind this sudden desire.  It was like the time he (or was it a different Dom?) had me buy a cucumber.  Somehow, i felt like it was written all over my face, “Up to No Damn Good.”

i also remember the spanking i got with the yardstick, vividly.  And with fondness.

The yardstick still stands in a corner of my bedroom, along with some canes.  i have no idea what my women who house clean think of them.  At one time, i imagine i would have worried about that.  But i guess since they haven’t been used for nefarious purposes in such a long time, i feel like they’ve lost their power.

In the meantime, Vesta, over at Vesta’s Submissions, just dives deeper and deeper into good therapy territory.   It’s a pleasure to read.


{The circles of women around us/ weave invisible nets of love that/ carry us when we’re weak and/ sing with us when we are strong. – Sark}

He Ghosted

RS, our potential guy, ghosted.  Last thing he said was “looking forward to meeting you both,” and MP emailed him a suggestion that we get together for dinner – that was Sunday.  Nothing since then.

It’s ok.  Seriously.  Maybe he thought i was going to send him a tit pic and was disappointed, maybe he just changed his mind.  Whatever.

We had a great weekend, MP and i did.  No complaints here.  🙂



Intricate Links

i believe there are intricate links between BDSM and trauma and healing.  i don’t understand how it works, but i believe it connects.  I just don’t know how.





i don’t even know what kind of connection it is, i just know it’s there.

In any case.  i know that being spanked a couple of nights in a row is pretty amazing, and i’m moving into the new week pretty content.

Today, i feel free.  i feel better able to make decisions in my own best interest, even if that might not be what other people would want me to do.  That feels good.  There are still a few welts on my ass, and that’s good too.

And here’s a thought for the day:

“Your genuine happiness does not come from other people, activities or things, it comes from living a meaningful life – a life that is in alignment with your values and is beneficial.”

~      John Bruna




Ok, y’all, it looks like this might actually happen.  Pictures have been exchanged with RS (clothes on) and he and MP have exchanged email and – um, i think we’re going to probably actually meet for dinner.

Seriously, y’all.

i have never been one to dream of a threesome.  Two men was not on my wish list.  But – but -here i am, and that might actually happen.

When i realized that, i said, “Yikes!”  and i meant it.  MP was immediately on alert, “What does that ‘yikes’ mean,” he wanted to know.

Um, it just means – yikes – i can’t believe this is really maybe going to happen.  Hold on to your hats, here we go.

At the same time – i’ve been contemplating Vesta’s posts at Vesta’s Submission about the healing work that she is doing on her own, separate from BDSM and thinking this i surely need to do more of that myself.  Yep.  i started a blog post about it, but got sidetracked by my own new and exciting life.

So i need to get back to my story and writing.

And i need to do laundry and dishes, cause i’ve been lazing the day away, but that’s all right.  There’s a time and place for everything.  And good times ahead…

Things are happening…

Three cool things happened yesterday.

i’d been chatting, super briefly, with a Dom in a nearby city who seemed like a nice guy.  But when MP agreed to be involved in finding me a Dom play partner,  i promised him that i wouldn’t exclude him from any relationship i might have like that.  So a couple of days ago, i told him about this guy, we’ll call him RS.

MP agreed that i could email him and explain our arrangement, so i did, fully expecting not to hear from him again.

Instead, i got an email back that said he was still interested.  MP and i talked about it for a long time, and then i emailed RS and told him (again) that he needed to contact MP if he was interested in moving forward.  (Is that too many initials?  It seems like a lot to me…)

But he did.  RS contacted MP.  MP was going to email him back after i went to bed last night, and he’s not up yet, so i don’t know what happened there, but MP and i talked about kink and D/s stuff at dinner, and later, which we hadn’t done in forever.  There’s a lot to think about and consider as we get ready to try on this type of relationship, but more about that later.  It was pretty exciting just talking about possibilities.

That was #1.

Then i got a couple of emails from my old Dom friend Burford, who had been silent for a long time.  He has some theories to share about long term D/s, and that was fun to read, plus then he just sort of peppered me with short messages about different stuff, which is always nice.  i suspect he’s bored, his submissive is out of town.  But that’s ok, thank goodness i don’t feel that desperate “won’t you be my Dom” thing right now.  So that was super cool, and i’m looking forward to chatting with him some more.

That’s #2.

Then, after we got home from dinner last night, i heard a bunch of weird sounds coming from the bedroom – no, not that kind of weird – weird like someone moving furniture.  When i yelled, “Honey, whatcha doing in there?” he replied, “Come see!”

He was getting out all our toys.  Yep.  Dildos, vibrators, nipple clamps, paddles, belts – all laid out on the bed.

i said, “Whatcha doing?” but it was in a whole different tone now.

“Come here,” he said.

i did.

“Put your hands on the bed,” he said,  “No, lean over more.”

So i did.

And he pulled down my pants and began to play with me.

i got to feel the belt – still my favorite.  Then  a little thin wood strip thing we have, which stings like hell, and finally, just a few times, the big paddle.  Not too long, not too hard, but juuuust right.

And then he made me cum.

That was #3.

Or maybe that was 3, 4, and 5, i dunno.  i know that i can still feel some little welts on my ass this morning, and i have not been this relaxed since i can’t remember when.

Lots of things happening here…