{If you’re just starting to read now, here’s the beginning of this story.  After that beginning, it’s all “i imagine” by the numbers.}

Sir Martin’s cock.  i lick delicately around the head, tracing the rim with the tip of my tongue.  i lick across the head with the flat of my tongue, looking up at his face.  i encircle it with my mouth, holding it right there, then sliding down over the length of it, letting the head hit the back of my throat.  i hold it deep for a moment, gagging, tears running down my face, before i ease my mouth back up.  And down again.

He is not stopping me, and i am building my rhythm, i can feel the vein in his cock – the big vein that starts at the base – i can feel it throbbing and i know he’ll cum soon.  i am so ready to feel his hot cum in my throat…

…and he stops me.  Pulls my head back.   i’m waiting for more instructions, and he turns to Sir Bryan, who’s seated nearby with Penny, the submissive woman assigned to him this weekend.   “Excuse me, Bryan,” he says.  “May I borrow your girl?”

“Of course,” says Sir Bryan, and before i can even figure out what’s happening, before i can wrap my mind around it, Sir Martin says to me, “Here, baby, I want you to scoot over here, to the side, yes, right here.”  And he moves me – he moves me away from my place in front of him.   He puts me on the other side of his leg.

And he lets Penny kneel in my place in front of him.

Tears well up – what?  he doesn’t want me?  My heart aches and i can barely breathe.  i watch, dismayed, he Penny gets comfortable at his feet.

Sir Martin grins at her, and i feel like he’s crushing me, like he’s stomped on my chest.  “Hi, Penny,” he says, stroking her face.  “I’m pretty close to cumming already, and I want you to get me off, but take your time, ok?”

She nods, “Yes, Sir,” and she puts her mouth to his cock.  Her mouth.  His cock.  i don’t think of myself as a jealous-hearted woman, but i want to cry.  i want to sob, i want to push her away and put myself in front of him. i want to be the one to please him.

i bow my head, tears running down my face.  He’s watching her, one hand in her hair, as her head bobs up and down, taking him in deep.  He moans.

i think he has forgotten me.  i want to lie down on my side, on the floor, and cry.

i glance up at him and see he’s watching me, his face intent.  With one hand, he touches my cheek, my tears on his finger, he brings his finger to his mouth.  Licks the tears off.

He is the cruelest man i’ve ever known and i hate him and i hope he dies.

Ok, maybe i don’t hope he dies.  But he is cruel, and i kind of maybe hate him a lot.

“Watch,” he says, and i realize he’s talking to me.  “Pay attention, watch what she does that pleases me.”  He strokes my face, my hair, with his free hand.  His other hand is touching her.

i hate them both.  i thought he liked me, thought he wanted me.  i thought i was pleasing him.  i don’t want to watch her – it should be me, that should be me!  So hurt, so angry, how can he do this to me?   i sniffle, tears flowing…

His hand in my hair turns my head so i can see her.  His command, “Watch,” forces me to look.  i bite my lip hard.  Fine.  If he wants her instead of me, fine, i don’t care.  i’ll never let him see i care.  Fuck him.  And her.  Fuck them both.

i look.  i watch her head moving, hear the sounds she makes as she takes him deep in her throat.  Tears are running down her face too, we are both crying, he’s making us both cry, but she’s the lucky one, she’s pleasing him, and i’m useless.  Useless, just sitting here.  Cast off.  Like an old shoe.

i almost smile – “like an old shoe” is a bit over the top, even for me right now.   But seriously, why does he want to torture me like this?   i don’t deserve this, i know i don’t.  How could he talk about this being – what did he say?  Edifying?  That’s some kind of bullshit.

Oh, look, i think he’s going to cum, i can tell, watch the rhythm, he’s thrusting into her mouth now holding her head still with both his hands while he fucks her mouth.  She’s struggling to stay still, struggling to accept him, i can see that.  Oh.  Oh.

i can feel it, the tension, the pressure, almost- almost the relief as he cums, moaning, discharging his seed in her mouth.  i can almost taste it.

My body relaxes just a bit, almost as if i have cum too.

He sighs, relaxes, his hand in my hair is loose, barely touching me.  His other hand strokes her face.  Her face has that just fucked look, i’ve seen it on me before, hair disheveled, tears still wet, i know how it feels.  The taste of him in her mouth.

It should have been me.

No, i will not cry again.  i will not.