i was thinking tonight – i had a hard day at work, hard in ways that my job is not usually difficult – and had been feeling a bit overwhelmed and wanting support – and i was thinking that it would be nice if My Partner (MP) responded to text messages with more than one or two words, and that if i told him i was having a hard time, it would be nice if he checked in on me later and asked me what was going on, and that it would be nice if ~~~
~~~ and then i stopped myself right there. Because yes, it would be nice. For about a minute. Then, I would want more. You know i would. Then i would want him to watch a movie that i want to see with me. Or to quit working quite so all-the-time. Or to hold me with passion and warmth. And then ~~~~
~~~~~ then i might want him to spank me and play with me and tie me up ~~~ and be my Sir, with rules and rituals and discipline.
So really, it is better for everyone if he just doesn’t even start that shit. Right?
i was thinking tonight about my friend who’s a Dom and how once, a long time ago, i was on vacation by myself and kind of lonesome and he texted with me for a long, long time, off and on for days. And i loved that he did that, and i appreciated it so much. And then ~~ you know how this goes.
i wanted more.
i am drawn to men who are a bit stingy with their affection, doling it out in drips, like it might run out at any moment. It isn’t their fault, that’s just how they are. And i’m drawn to that somehow, somehow, i believe that i can love them in some way that will coax them into giving more, into giving all that i think they have to give.
i read an article a long time ago that talked about a variation of the 80/20 rule. If you’ve never heard of the 80/20 rule, you might want to google it. But there are lots of versions. This one said that in a relationship, one partner gives 80% and the other partner gives 20%. It said that the 80% partner would keep trying to get the 20% partner to give more, by giving more themselves. That the 80% partner would just give more and more until they were giving 100%, but that this strategy was never going to get the 20% partner to give more.
Actually i don’t think the article suggested any strategy that would induce the 20% partner to give more. And there is something about that – about people who aren’t going over 20% – that attracts me. It is a lot like my Dad, so maybe that’s it. But i think even more it is that these 20% men have such a delectable 20%, it is so delicious, that i’m convinced that if they just gave more – say 50% – or 60 – ok, maybe 80%, maybe if they gave 80%, i would be sated. And complete.
i am convinced that i can seduce them into giving more.
But i can’t. It looks like i can at first, that’s what sucks me in, but it’s an illusion. A trap.
And maybe that’s ok. Maybe i’m attracted to 20%ers because i’m insatiable and if they gave 80%, than i’d be the 20% one and would suck them dry. So to speak.
i don’t know. i was just thinking about it.