In real life, i don’t have a Dom who’s going to oversee my use – or overuse – of social media. I don’t have a Dom who will help me work through my obsessive talking myself out of trying things where i might fail. i don’t have a Dom to reset me with a spanking.
So, yes, i might have felt really sad about that last night and numbed out with a whole sleeve of Ritz crackers, but that’s ok.
This article is what a girl without a Dom needs to help get through that fear of failure, or even fear of success, which is also a thing, and the fear of not being good enough. The article describes how Agnes deMille (choreographer of Oklahoma) was telling Martha Graham, a famous choreographer, how confused she was by the public’s reactions to her work. deMille said:
“I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be.”
Martha Graham replied:
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”
That echoes what the Dom i know said – or his words echoed hers, i guess. In either case, it resonates clearly with me. i can feel the truth of it.
And still. i don’t see myself starting to do anything differently. Today, i am doing taxes, not the first 1,000 words of a manuscript to send anywhere. i know, i know, i am the only one who can change it.
i know.
Olivia 
This post has resonated through me as if you had struck a big brass bell. I’ve been exploring my own feelings about failure and success and how I block myself. A few months ago a writer that I just love posted about the topic of creativity. She is a Christian themed writer but the meat of the post is valid for anyone.
The idea that we should create, and walk away from the creation to let it stand on it’s own and fend for itself made me look at making art in a whole new way. She writes that “ART is a big girl”. Believing that I am the only one that gets to decide if what I do is art has relieved some of that angst for me. I’m not expressing this as well as I had hoped but I bet when you read the post you will understand the connection.
http://momastery.com/blog/2016/01/20/three-rules-for-a-creative-life/
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By angst I mean self sabotage and avoidance of trying.
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Monkey! I saw that post on Momastery – I love that blog! And it resonated with me too,. Yes, thanks for reposting. I’m glad this post struck you too. Maybe i really will start taking more risks with my creative self- it could happen, right? I knew what you meant by the angst – i avoided facing a lot of that in my self by being successful in areas that did provide support and feedback, so i didn’t have to let my work stand alone – or even do any creative writing most of the time.
Thanks so much for commenting!!
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